Five Signs You're Not Ready to Be Friends with an Ex

Is it possible to stay friends with an ex-lover? Possibly. But how do you know when it is time to repair that friendship, or when you should just move on? Here are five signs to watch for:

1. When you find out your ex is dating someone else, you want to scratch their new lover's eyes out.
Jealousy can definitely be a sign you are not ready to be friends with an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. While you may never be comfortable thinking about your ex getting down and dirty with another person, your ex's new love interest also should not generate a burning jealousy. If you find yourself still painfully jealous of your ex's new flame, consider it as a serious sign you are not ready to be "just friends" yet. A good sign you're too jealous is when you ask your ex to censor discussion of new dates or significant others in your presence.

2. You try to make them jealous.
If in fact you truly want to be friends with an ex, you should not be trying to make him or her jealous. It should truly be about a friendship, and not constantly reminding him or her what they're missing. Trying to make your ex jealous is a sign you are not over them yet, and it's not yet time to pound the "just friends" pavement.

3. Your ex is still jealous of your new relationships.
Sure, you may be well over your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. But maybe he or she isn't over you yet! The kindest thing is to let them alone. If and when you are meant to be friends, you will be some time down the line. But the last thing you want is your still-in-love-with-you ex pretending to be a friend to your face, while secretly trying to sabotage your new relationships or keep you from moving on. As mentioned above, a good sign that this is the case is if you find your ex asking you to censor any talk of your new flame in their presence.

4. You're still tempted physically by your ex.
So maybe you realize that your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend is not the right person for you compatibility-wise. But you still think they're smokin' hot. If you find your mind wandering to sexual fantasies of your ex, it is a sign you're not ready to be "just friends." There's nothing worse than ending up back in bed with an ex, especially when you know in your heart the relationship is over and not destined to rekindle. Making that physical connection just prolongs the recovery period after a break up and gives some people false hope of repairing the relationship. It's just a better idea not to get physically involved, even for a one night stand, after a break up... no matter how hot your ex is.

5. You're starting out in a new relationship. (And you want it to succeed.)
When setting out in a new relationship, it's typically a good idea to let exes be exes. New relationships are tough enough without the insecurity caused by an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend lingering around. You may know in your heart that the former relationship is well over, but your new flame may not be so sure. Why not give things the best possible foundation, and not give them any reason to be intimidated?

Is it possible for ex-lovers to remain friends? Sure. But a good general rule is that for every year of your relationship, expect it to take roughly six months to get to a point where both parties are capable of true friendship. So if you've been in a relationship for two years, expect a one year recovery period in which you should probably give each other space to adjust to these new circumstances.

Keep in mind, also, that if you want to be friends, but your ex still wants more, you just might have to let that relationship go. Just as it takes two people to complete a romantic relationship, it also takes two to build a true friendship.