Five Steps to Choosing a Therapist

From time to time friends and family members will ask me to recommend a therapist. While I am always happy to make suggestions, I must confess that I have made a few referrals that ultimately were not a match made in heaven. I know many wonderful therapists but I don't always know who will be the "right" therapist for the person in need. Therapy is based on a relationship between client and therapist and as such picking the right therapist for someone is almost the equivalent of helping them choose their mate. While there are some key elements to consider, the most important thing to remember is that the "right" therapist for your friend or co-worker may not be the best therapist for you. There are many qualified mental health professionals out there it's just a matter of finding the right one. Here are a few suggestions on how to get started:

1. Seek help sooner rather than later. Don't wait until you feel ready to divorce to try to work on your marriage. Start therapy as soon as you notice you and your partner are not making the changes needed on your own. According to Dr. John Gottman, on average, couples wait for six years of unhappiness before seeking help. At the point they entire therapy it is often far more difficult to change behavior patterns and reverse the hurt that those years have caused. This applies to any presenting problem: parenting issues, grief and loss, etc. Therapy is likely to be shorter and more effective the sooner you get there.

2. Ask friends, family, and professionals (doctors, guidance counselors, etc.) for a referral. Often word of mouth is the best way to find a therapist in your area. You should also try directories such as www.TherapistLocator.net, a service of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, or the Therapy Directory from Psychology Today. Don't be afraid to interview a few to see who might be a good fit. Many therapists will offer a consultation or initial session as a time for you to make a decision.

It is important to seek referrals that are specific to your concern. Although you may be hesitant to share your personal issue with someone else, it's better to ask for a recommendation for a good therapist to work with your specific issue, than it is to just ask for a good therapist. There are many excellent therapists out there who specialize with certain age groups or issues. If you are seeking couples counseling, a referral to a play therapist is not going to be the good fit, no matter how highly recommended or experienced they are.

3. Interview your prospective therapist(s). Ask about licensure, schooling, therapeutic orientation, areas of specialty and participation in their professional organization. Ask about their approach to therapy and what you should expect in the initial sessions. There are many theoretical approaches in the field of mental health, but it is not necessary to know what they are in order to find the right therapist for you. It is helpful to have an idea of what you are looking for and ask questions that relate to the issue that brought you to therapy.

For example if your child responds best when they can express themselves in non-verbal ways then a therapist who will utilize play and art in their work is probably going to be a better fit than someone who simply sits and talks with their clients. If you are a concrete thinker and want skills that you can put into action, a therapist who works from a cognitive-behavioral or solution-focused perspective may be more your style. Remember that the therapeutic relationship is a crucial element to successful treatment, so don't be afraid to keep looking if you don't like a particular therapist even if they are qualified.

4. Consider paying out of pocket if you do not find a good fit within your insurance plan. Research and clinical wisdom have shown that one of the most important factors to the success of therapy is the relationship between therapist and client. Therapy can be an excellent time to use that flexible spending account from your employer or seek out lower cost alternatives. Many universities and counties have mental health clinics with sliding scale fess. They often provide quality care at considerably reduced rates. Group therapy can also be a cost-effective alternative to traditional one-on-one sessions. In addition to receiving therapy that is specific to your concerns; you have the added benefit of connecting with people who share your experience. Just remember, you are investing in your health and that's worth every penny!

5. Most importantly, trust your gut and don't give up if it's not what you expected. Therapy can be a comforting experience but it also has many challenges and requires some hard work. Often first-time clients can be frustrated by the slow pace of change or the emotional turmoil that comes with exploring difficulty issues. It can be helpful to ask yourself how committed you are to making therapy work; successful treatment is a team effort. Then talk to your therapist about your concerns and ask for some guidance. A good therapist will work with you to address these concerns and help you better understand the process of therapy. And if all else fails, don't be afraid to try a different therapist. A different personality or approach to therapy is sometimes all that is needed to make it work.