Five Steps to Dealing with Problems, Pain and Fear

Life was never meant to be lived in a vacuum. Individuals too long sheltered from reality, contrary to what some parents believe, become mentally, emotionally and spiritually weak. Overly protecting a person keeps them from learning, growing, and unfurling their wings; keeps them from learning resiliency.

Hard times, not the silken cocoon, makes us stronger if we deal with our problems and pain, instead of hiding away or pretending nothing's wrong. Blaming others or withdrawing from reality only makes matters drag on rather than solving the problem.

Pain and problems, life and death, are all part of the cycle. Only as we face things, do we truly live life to the fullest.

The poet Percy Bysshe Shelley wrote, We look before and after, And pine for what is not; Our sincerest laughter With some pain is fraught; Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought. --The Cloud, 1820

Many of our best, our highest moments evolve from dealing with circumstances we'd rather not deal with at all, such as 9-11 and the heroism that came out of that tragedy.

When those times of trial and heartache come, there are things we can do.

One: Focus on your blessings, instead of on your real or conceived hurt. Make a list of all the good things in your life, including life itself, the air you breathe, family, friends, home, etc.

Two: Deal with the situation. What is the worst case scenario? The best? What steps can you take--maybe one step at a time--to get through the situation? If you need to grieve, do so. If you need to make something right, do it. If you need to confront a situation, do that--after you think things through.

Three: Talk to someone who cares, someone who will keep your confidence and offer balanced, wise advice--or just listen.

Four: Keep a journal. Jot down ideas, thoughts, memories, and emotions. You may be surprised how much this helps.

Finally start each day with a quote or verse that "speaks" to you. Or start each day with these comforting words from Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures: he leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul: ...Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for You are with me;....Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Life is meant to be lived, fully, completely and reverently. We can deal with fears, problems, and pain, if we deal with them honestly and with our heads up.