Five Steps to the Perfect 4th of July Party Invitation

I've made all kinds of invitations including the typical fire works, Uncle Sam hat and gas grill that accordion folded open to reveal the details. When we bought this house I used pictures with things photo shopped in, like penguins chilling in the air-conditioned living room, a lady slipper with a face, and a shark jumping out of the pool with some witty commentary. That seemed to take off.

The following June I was in a quandary. People had seen the house and played in the yard, I was looking at the pictures of them doing it... No kidding! Every year since I have used photographs from the previous year. There are some people aghast at the face they are making or the fact that they are chewing with their mouth open but it's all in good fun and so far no one has boycotted.

I learned to get an RSVP. We were pretty sick of eating hotdogs and hamburgers three times a week when the turnout was less than expected. I thought I'd include an RSVP and thereby shop accordingly. That didn't work. People called after the deadline and on the day of the party. Other people just showed up. The following year I explained what RSVP meant...to no avail. The year after I threatened those who didn't RSVP with starvation. They called my bluff. Despite the few bucking the system it does work for the most part. I now know who is coming within about ten people.

Including a blurb about food and drink "donations" being appreciated has come in handy as the party grew to over 50 people. We encouraged guests to bring enough for themselves and four additional people. This suits my own personal agenda rather nicely as I ask my aunts to make things we loved as kids. It's a good way to keep some family food traditions that have been left behind in the name of "healthy living". This year I have included a list of suggestions, to suit my own palette of course.

We also have a thing called Rhode Island directions. These include landmarks they should pass on the way. Because people in my family think anywhere that takes more than 30 minutes to get to is a long ride you need to keep them alert so they don't feel lost and turn back. I give them some landmarks along the way and they make it here without realizing it took a whopping 45 minutes.

Lastly I have included a list of what to bring: A comfortable chair, I don't know anyone who owns 50 chairs. Sun block, the first year at this house some people left a bit crispy because we had run out of block but not sun. Floats, a towel is obvious but flotation devices for small children didn't seem to be.

So there you have it. The perfect Fourth of July invitation in five simple steps:

1) Interesting images
2) RSVP
3) Food to share
4) Specific directions
5) List of items to bring to make their stay more comfortable

For your amusement here is the copy from this year (pertinent information has been changed to protect the not so innocent):

BORYS BASH JULY 4, 2007
175 FIRE SWAMP ROAD, HOPELESS VALLEY RHODE ISLAND
RSVP: 401-555-5555 BY JULY 1, 2007

Date: Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Time: 12:00 pm to...

Please, I beg of you, please RSVP. I've explained what it means. I've even threatened not feed you if you don't. This year we hired a bouncer. If you want to go toe to toe with Don Knee Cappo try getting in without responding.

What to bring: Sun block, towels, a favorite lounge chair, and flotation devices for small children. Food and drink donations will gladly be accepted. We will supply hot dogs, hamburgers, and soft drinks. Things that are always appreciated: Jello squares, home made devil dogs, freshly baked strawberry rhubarb pie, chips and dips, salads (potato, macaroni, green, fruit lobster, crab), Popsicles, Fudgesicles, ice cream sandwiches, (or other frozen delights).

WARNING: IF YOU HAVE AN AVERSION TO LOUD MUSIC AND SPLASHING THIS IS NOT THE PARTY FOR YOU!

I was asked to come up with a theme for the party so here it is... MUSIC. I already have Elvis goes accordion so don't bring that one. However you can go as wild, weird, retro or enjoyable as you like. Tape, CD, or MP3 we'll find a way to get it played. The field is wide open all I ask is that you respect the 12 and under crowd that will also be here.

Also let me explain about pictures. You make a face: I take a picture. You don't like it: I use it on the invitation next year. If you don't want to end up on the invitation looking goofy or stuffing your face here are some tips for you:

1) Don't make a goofy face
2) Don't eat while you're here

Directions: 295 West to 90, Exit 22 to Route 7 West to 395 South to Exit 8. Right off exit onto Pain Pike. 1/4 mile to stop light, left at light onto Cherry Way, 1/2 mile to stop light, right at the light onto Route 11. Go for miles; pass the farms, through the woods, over the dam and up the hill. At the top of the hill, after the arrows for the curve, on the left is Fire Swamp Road. A mile down on the right are two dirt driveways, we are the second one. The house is a pink colonial.