Five Steps to Village Parenting

Remember when you were little - 9 or 10 years old, and you could walk down to the corner store or the library, or a family member's house all by yourself? Remember when the most risqué song on the radio was just talking about "making love?" It is a new day and a new age. I am the one with a young daughter who won't experience any of the freedom or innocence I was able to bask in. I am becoming much more emotional as I age and raising my little jewel in this new world has (despite its advances) made me incredibly sad for her. It's such a shame when a parent must go online to locate the nearest sex offender before locating a property they feel secure investing in. Because of these changing times and restricted freedom, many parents have become fiercely protective.

As a journalist and artist, I am an advocate of freedoms of expression, but it has become painfully clear that, society does not have our children's best interest in mind. For example, I took my daughter to an annual three-day carnival in Tustin called Tustin Tiller Days, and ride after ride, I found a lot of the music played to be highly inappropriate.

I was torn. On one hand, this was the last night of the city's only carnival and my baby was so lit up with excitement. On the other hand, although the carni's were only playing the music that any one could flip to on the radio, it was music you don't want your children to be singing along to (only in theory I suppose - many parents obviously don't seem to mind one lick). In the end, I stayed and tried really hard to focus and keep her focused on the positives. Later on that night however, when we are back in the comforts of home, my daughter turns to me with scrunched up eyebrows and says, "That music they were playing was not for kids!" I had hoped she wouldn't notice.

I suppose we, as parents, are too busy earning a living to be bothered to notice or be proactive about what our children are listening to. In fact, some of us are listening and singing right along with our babies in the car. Of course grown ups are completely entitled to enjoy grown up music, but it should be separate from the quality time with our children.

Similarly, movie studios have to promote their adult (R - rated) movies. That brings me to my second example. Every time previews for Sony Picture's, The Grudge 2 come on, my daughter either dashes out of the room, close her eyes and ears or turns off the television completely. The poor thing. Because of these previews, I her that I will be watching out for anything trying to walk or crawl into the bathroom to get her while she's taking a shower (though she's been told it doesn't exist). Even as a grown woman, that pale creepy little kid even freaks me out. Don't mistake me, I do like horror films and I'm all for capitalist promotion, but I would be so happy and relieved if they would restrict those previews to being aired after 8pm or so. A movie preview should not be sending our children into trauma. I did actually try to contact Sony Pictures about it, but I haven't gotten very far with them yet.

Kenneth C. Edelin from the Roxbury Comprehensive Community Health center was once quoted as saying, "If we really believe that our children are the future, we must develop an agenda to improve their lives and health. While it may take a village to raise a child, it takes responsible and caring adults to make a nurturing village." In that spirit of progress, I am presenting five steps parents can take to ward off some of the evil that the childless and less responsible parts of our society are trying to toss onto our children.

1. Don't be afraid to make trouble! My step-sister was apart of a recital at a dance studio in Tustin, again, a few of the songs were very inappropriate. I couldn't believe that these parents were allowing their children to dance - on stage - in front of a large audience to E-40's "U and Dat" (the song is actually catchy and great to dance to - grown up music).

2. Explain to your children what you're trying to do for them in detail. Sorry if this is news to you, but it's just not good enough to tell a child to do something just because you say so. No, you shouldn't have to explain every instruction, but you will find that you'll get much more cooperation from your little peach when they understand that there is a method behind your madness.

3. Don't be such a wimp! Sure spoil them with ballet, braces, swim lessons, and horse back riding. Enrich them until your heart's content, but don't be afraid to tell them "no" darn it! Your child wants to listen to this music because all her friends are listening to it. Or she wants to wear these painted on jeans because all of her friends are wearing them. Better yet, she wants her tongue pierced because her best friend just got it done. You listen to her pleading voice, think about her good grades - look into her puppy dog eyes and tell her, "Not even when Hell freezes over." Okay, maybe that's a bit extreme. Explain what these images suggest, what they can lead to and what you would prefer - but not, "Because as long as you live under my roof you'll live by my rules!" That's just being lazy.

4. Cut out the sleepovers. I'm going to catch it for this one, but unless you know the host parents like the back of your hand (if you even know the back of your hand), what business does your little one have at their house? Honestly, their tears will not turn into blood and their feelings will only be hurt for a little while - but the damage that can be done out of the scope of your watchful eye can be permanent.

5. If anyone ever accuses you of being over protective or over parenting, out of your children's earshot, tell those people to shut the heck up! It is your mission to bring these babies across the tumultuous sea of society in childhood to the lands of adulthood with as little damage as possible. As adults they have complete governed freedom to twirl around above their heads as they please. Everyone else can keep their opinions to themselves unless you've asked for it.

As society changes, so does child rearing. We can't expect our children to do the same things as we did when we were younger. However, neither should you just hopelessly accept what this world dishes out. Don't be afraid to fight for your children. Maybe not now, but 20 years from now they'll hug you and say, "Thanks." As the Ugandan proverb says, "Even your child might beat the drum for you while you dance." Then it will have all been worth it.