1. Go Away-
For couples who live together, this is very important. Sharing a common living space can make a clean break seem virtually impossible. There are so many things to consider once two people have decided to divide their lives again. If you find yourself breaking up with your special someone, try going away for a while. It does not have to be a long and engaging vacation. One or two nights in a nearby hotel should do the trick. Do NOT stay with friends or family. No matter how supportive they are, they will more than likely be biased one way or the other because they love you. It's best to find some neutral space to do whatever you need in order to deal with the shock of the separation. You'll need someplace where you will not be surrounded by souvenirs of your relationship. In a quiet and clean hotel room, you can have total privacy to cry, shout, sleep, think, read, or do whatever you need to, to alleviate some of the shock and pain.
2. Make a Pros/Cons List-
Get out a sheet of paper and make four columns. Label the columns as follows : Pros, Cons, Pros, Cons. Let the first set of Pros and Cons represent the advantages and disadvantages of being together with your former mate. Do the same for the next two columns. Only these columns will represent being apart. It may sound silly. And if you're feeling exceptionally raw about breaking up, you may find that one or more columns are filled to capacity, while others only have one item. That is just fine. Write down your feelings anyway. Keep the list and continue to go back to it. You may find that over time, some items may move from one side of the list to the other. This is because people often see their mistakes in retrospect. And some things that we thought were good for us, were actually detrimental to the relationship.
3. Treat Yourself-
Some people rely on pints of Haagen Daaz. Some people grab a few beers with the buddies. And some indulge in a little retail therapy. While these may seem like viable options for soothing the wounds of a nasty split, they are not always the wisest. Pigging out on ice cream feels good temporarily. But eating out of frustration is never a good thing. "Break Up Shopping" may also result in some negative repercussions. The kind of treat that you should give yourself will feel good from the inside out. Try to delight yourself with new experiences. Take a class or attend a seminar. Visit a tourist attraction in your own city that you may never have seen before. The point here is to do something that is healthy and engaging for your mind. Sometimes people put so much energy into their relationships that they rarely make time for themselves. The fragile time after a break up is the perfect opportunity to do just that.
4. Change Your Routine-
Many couples establish certain routines without even thinking about it. When suddenly, the person that you loved no longer wants to be with you, not only is your ego damaged, but you also feel a loss of control. One way to re-establish control over your life is to change your routine. If you normally work from 8 to 4pm, try changing your schedule so that you include other activities in your workweek. Changing things up a bit will make you feel like you're taking charge of an adverse situation.
When all else fails, there is always the good old therapist. No longer do you have to have stacks of cash in order to get some quality objectivity. The stigma associated with mental health has subsided over the years. Many corporations offer programs (called EAPs) that have been created for the sole purpose of helping their employees deal with difficult life issues. Typically, the employee is offered 3 free sessions with a counselor or therapist listed in a directory (further sessions require payment). Sometimes it simply helps to be completely candid with a stranger who is unbiased to your situation. You can see things that you might not have seen. And a therapist can also help you to regain a sense of balance when things have gone awry.
Published by Ayanna Guyhto
Transplanted New Yawwwker (Bronx, NY), now living in fabulous Atlanta - plunged into the music industry several years ago; Indie Flick Junkie, lover of all things paranormal--who has a penchant for mindless... View profile
- Go away on a "mini-vacation" can help relationship mourners to clear their heads.
- Therapy doesn't have to be extensive, and can help those find objectivity during a break up.
- Changing your routine help to re-establish control after a break-up.