Five Things You Should Do After a Break Up
1. Go Away-
For couples who live together, this is very important. Sharing a common living space can make a clean break seem virtually impossible. There are so many things to consider once two people have decided to divide their lives again. If you find yourself breaking up with your special someone, try going away for a while. It does not have to be a long and engaging vacation. One or two nights in a nearby hotel should do the trick. Do NOT stay with friends or family. No matter how supportive they are, they will more than likely be biased one way or the other because they love you. It's best to find some neutral space to do whatever you need in order to deal with the shock of the separation. You'll need someplace where you will not be surrounded by souvenirs of your relationship. In a quiet and clean hotel room, you can have total privacy to cry, shout, sleep, think, read, or do whatever you need to, to alleviate some of the shock and pain.
2. Make a Pros/Cons List-
Get out a sheet of paper and make four columns. Label the columns as follows : Pros, Cons, Pros, Cons. Let the first set of Pros and Cons represent the advantages and disadvantages of being together with your former mate. Do the same for the next two columns. Only these columns will represent being apart. It may sound silly. And if you're feeling exceptionally raw about breaking up, you may find that one or more columns are filled to capacity, while others only have one item. That is just fine. Write down your feelings anyway. Keep the list and continue to go back to it. You may find that over time, some items may move from one side of the list to the other. This is because people often see their mistakes in retrospect. And some things that we thought were good for us, were actually detrimental to the relationship.
3. Treat Yourself-
Some people rely on pints of Haagen Daaz. Some people grab a few beers with the buddies. And some indulge in a little retail therapy. While these may seem like viable options for soothing the wounds of a nasty split, they are not always the wisest. Pigging out on ice cream feels good temporarily. But eating out of frustration is never a good thing. "Break Up Shopping" may also result in some negative repercussions. The kind of treat that you should give yourself will feel good from the inside out. Try to delight yourself with new experiences. Take a class or attend a seminar. Visit a tourist attraction in your own city that you may never have seen before. The point here is to do something that is healthy and engaging for your mind. Sometimes people put so much energy into their relationships that they rarely make time for themselves. The fragile time after a break up is the perfect opportunity to do just that.
4. Change Your Routine-
Many couples establish certain routines without even thinking about it. When suddenly, the person that you loved no longer wants to be with you, not only is your ego damaged, but you also feel a loss of control. One way to re-establish control over your life is to change your routine. If you normally work from 8 to 4pm, try changing your schedule so that you include other activities in your workweek. Changing things up a bit will make you feel like you're taking charge of an adverse situation.
5. Therapy-
When all else fails, there is always the good old therapist. No longer do you have to have stacks of cash in order to get some quality objectivity. The stigma associated with mental health has subsided over the years. Many corporations offer programs (called EAPs) that have been created for the sole purpose of helping their employees deal with difficult life issues. Typically, the employee is offered 3 free sessions with a counselor or therapist listed in a directory (further sessions require payment). Sometimes it simply helps to be completely candid with a stranger who is unbiased to your situation. You can see things that you might not have seen. And a therapist can also help you to regain a sense of balance when things have gone awry.
Published by Ayanna Guyhto - Featured Contributor in Arts & Entertainment
Transplanted New Yawwwker (Bronx, NY), now living in fabulous Atlanta - plunged into the music industry several years ago; Indie Flick Junkie, lover of all things paranormal--who has a penchant for mindless... View profile
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- Therapy doesn't have to be extensive, and can help those find objectivity during a break up.
- Changing your routine help to re-establish control after a break-up.
60 Comments
Post a CommentI just got broken my friends r telling me to get over it but guess what I hate y'all u only care about y'all selfs
(continued)if you feel like your world is over.Try to do things to better yourself like study and stuff try not to think about it and remember to let the emotions out.And sometimes it helps to not have any connections with them cause when they are with a new boy/girl early you may feel a certain way and get re hurt unless u dont care.But remember love doesnt know age,size,race or appearance.Good luck.things will get better if you try.
Problem with love is its like time once its gone its gone.you say you can find another one in your life time but the one you lost you guys have a unwritten history and it hurts more when your the reason she left or you can have her back but you cant cause of distance or something.It all hurts people dont understand because everyone deals differently and telling someone theirs someone else is giving them a blind ambition.they need to take time and just try to deal with life when things get out of hand talk to someone an adult,peer,or someone important because depression is real.And over the age of 13 feelings do get hurt.Even when it feels like the end of the world like everything is crashing down just hang in there.I m lucky im still friends with my gf and we have a chance if not it was a good 2 years.I screwd up with my poor attention giving skills but Im certain things will come full circle cause she loves me to death its just the distance right now.But never give up hope and if you
You're all like 14 years old. Life gets better, I promise, you'll find someone else. So just relax. I know it hurts but trust me, it'll all be fine in a matter of time
Hi, my name is Sam, I found this site called www.saveabreakup.com and after I followed the instructions on it, it helped me get my ex back, and we love each other now and forever
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when we talked it out, she says its not that she fell in love with another guy and not because she dislikes me. she says she still likes me alot. but when she was said that at this age, having someone they love that fits everything they wanted, is just yeah. and i didnt quite understand it. but i still know that i might have a chance to take her back. because she loved me so much that she wrote to me and said we get married in 10 years. and she liked me so much that she cried for me everynight. and after i loved her back, a month and a half later, we talked it out, and we broke up. it looks like a safe break up, to her shes fine, to me its a different story. i still like her, and i know she still feels the same. and i know somehow i can love her back the same way we did before. but i still need some help.
i recently broke up with my girlfriend, she gave me a headsup, which was to her 'fair'.
so we talked it out and we were okay with it. then it came to the day where she wanted to break up with me. i said it was okay, and she said she was too.
after the break up, we were still close to each other, talking, but inside i feel like i want her back. because she loved me for 9 months, and i've hurt her for 9 months not know that she liked me. at the end, i finally loved her back, we loved each other so much, but then she said since we're too young (we're 14) she thinks this is too much. and we talked it out to a break up. and help? :S
i could go on and on about all these relationship things that take so much out of you. does anyone know what it is like to try and hide the fact that tears are falling down your face in public? that your eyes are rimmed with red and your soul will never have that little peice back that made you feel whole? hate me because i'm the one who made someone feel like this.
[coninuing....] wish the best best for them..thats hard also..but it will show your strong..and he's not that important [although he is] but it will make him not care anymore about making you jealous and it will make you seem strong and indipendant...don't let him know how much you care about him and stuff because that will make him in controll, you need to be...also..join track...im going to in the spring..it will shape us up and its good exercize and its fun, also there are ALOT of other cute guys lol..and u won't have to worry about your stupid desperate boyfriend lol..Wish you all the best!
Christianna Isabella Sierra, im in like the same situation, im 14 and i was going out with another 14 yearold, but i loved the boy that i was with also, and he's going out with one of his freinds now even though he broke up with me 2 weeks previously...I loved him alot...i had butterflies and everything when I saw him...and it was hard to see him with another girl...instead of butterflies..my heart felt heavy and knives went down in my stomache..its really hard..all i can say is that time is healing me...and it will heal you also, that guy sounds like a loser..i mean he really sounds desperate...you dont need that..and as for your best friend...you need to find a new one because thats really messed up...and as for loving him..always know there are better guys out there, because if you loved him just let it go...its hard i know..im going through EXACTLY what your going through...although my best friend didn't do that to me...but still..don't make yourself seem desperate...and wish the b