Five Things Your Children Learn from You

Setting a good example for our children is so important. There is so much more to a parent then their "because I said so" response. Our children are looking up to us, are we watching what we do as closely as we watch them?

1) " Lies are okay...aren't they mommy?"

Your five year old just heard you telling the neighbor that you bought that new push mower because you enjoy the exercise. Now, she knows when you were at the store, you said that you wanted a riding mower but couldn't afford it. When she approaches you about it, your response is "it was just a little white lie". Well, are white lies okay? Would you want your child to tell you a white lie? Would they get in trouble for it? What would the punishment be?

I am not here to debate whether white lies are acceptable or not. Me personally, I feel convicted after telling any lie, white lie or not. It is my opinion that the Bible is clear about lies, and tells us not to say them. I agree, I lie, I am human. But, I do feel guilty afterwords and feel a sincere need to repent.

It is more my objective to show you that you are teaching your child that certain lies are okay. Before you answer in that way, think about what you really want your child to learn about lies. A better answer may be the HONEST truth. "yes, I am sorry, I shouldn't of said that, that was a lie". After all this is what we expect our children to do right?

2) "What the ____?"

Oops! My son at about three years old found it funny to mimic me. Well, it's not such a cute game when they repeat the words you know you shouldn't have said in the first place. Dirty words are not cute coming from a three or a thirteen year old mouth. Try not to make it a do as I say not as I do mentality. If anything, show your child the same respect you would someone of authority. It's amazing we can hold our tongues when speaking to our boss, a judge, a police officer, but when we are home it slips out.

Your toddler may repeat it in front of you, your teen may, in a state of rebellion, start using that kind of speech to irate you. When you tell them not to speak that way, guess what their come back (because they always have one) will be? "You do it!"

3) Respect: or lack there of.

Respect is so important. It is vital in marriage, our careers, and for daily living. If our kids watch us constantly respect and summit to the authority over our lives, they too will learn this. And isn't it nice to know, it is you they will learn to respect as well!

However, when we act out is a way that demeans another person, or speak wrongly about our boss or government, our kids learn that no matter who is above them, they don't need to give them the respect they are due. And being their provider for the next 18 years, don't you want them to see you as an authority placed above them, due respect?

We don't just have to show respect to those above us, we should be modeling respect toward any and everybody as a principal of life. So watch what you say after a bad day at work, or how you treat the security guard asking you to empty your purse, which is for no apparent reason. As with that, watch how you treat your own parents, and even your children!

4) "I am sorry."

Did you ever have a friendship or relationship of any kind with someone who could never muster up those words. How irritating that no matter how wrong they were, they couldn't say it? They had their own way of saying it, or just let time pass and heal all. Maybe they demanded you say it first, but whatever happened, their sincerity was greatly questioned.

Maybe it is even you who has a hard time getting the "I am sorry" out without following it with "but you were wrong to" As mentioned above, children learn what we do, and what we don't do. It greatly shapes their moral. how many times have we heard our spouses compare us to their parents ways? This is because as a parent, what you instill in your child, can, no matter how much we deny it, shape their characters.

In order for our kids to have healthy relationships, it is vital for them to learn to humble themselves to the occasional "I am sorry". So, start with yourself. Have you ever flipped out on your child because of a bad day at work, and that toy that you stepped on really hurt! Well, don't be afraid to say, I am sorry, I shouldn't have yelled like that. Because they are your children, doesn't mean we never have to admit our faults to them. It can be a great lesson if we do!

5) Be on time.

My mother is the queen of late. She was late all the time when I was a child. She volunteered for things at my school, and showed up last. My mother was late to work every day, my mother was even late to my own wedding, although it hadn't started, I needed her help with getting ready and had to depend on others until she arrived! If it was one thing I swore I would never be...It was late! But I see it in me. I am not always late, not chronically like she is still to this day, but I am a procrastinator.

Everything is the last minute. At times, my bed wasn't made until my husband was already laying in it, and I just piled the blankets and sheets on him! Thankfully, the Lord is working on me with a lot of that, but it has to be said being late seems genetically spread. To let you in on a bit more, my mothers mother (My Grandmother) is also usually always late!

So, if you show a responsibility to your children to be on time, they too will adopt this good practice. If your kids always miss the bus, show up to soccer practice 15 minutes late, and strive to get up by at least the 5-th time the snooze button goes off, you may be seeing the first signs of a chronically late soon to be adult.

Make sure you show your child the importance of time. Teach them how to manage it properly. Explain that planning and following through with your plans is important. Model to them your responsibility by being on time! When you are late, which is hopefully seldom, explain but don't excuse.

My mother, no matter how many times she is late feels the need to make sure everyone knows there was nothing she could have done about it. And yes, there are those times where traffic at 2pm on a Monday is worst then at 4pm on Friday and we don't know why. There are those times that we were dressed and ready to walk out t the door, when your neighbor's dog runs to you and puts his muddy paws all over your suite. There are things that we can not control. But, if we are late due to our own faults, let others hear those words "I am sorry I am late" and drop it. They already see that your late, you don't have to convince them of what happened.

You are your child's role model. No matter the age, your children are watching you. They see and absorb it all, and as teenagers will use it all against you if it will benefit them. Even if your children are grown, they still, without you knowing, compare their own spouse to you. Trust me, I have heard my husband say "My my always did it like this..." one to many times. Just because our children grow up to be adults, doesn't mean they leave their memories at home. Even your child's most annoying habit, probably stems from home, whether they are 10 or 100!