Five Things You Must Never Do in Lagos, Nigeria

Lagos inhabitants live by certain implicit rules that should not be broken unless the perpetrator is asking for trouble. Trust me, he or she is going to get it, and is going to get it good!

Some of these rules are:

1) Never Insult Uniformed Personnel

Do not ever insult a uniformed man or woman for any reason whatsoever, because if you do, you will be punished in ways you never thought possible. Every Lagosian knows that no one will stand by you to give you needed moral support, if you are found guilty of insulting a uniformed personnel (whether he or she warranted the insult or not). Mild punishment includes:

(a) Being delayed for a couple of minutes to a couple of hours

(b) Spending a couple of Naira (local currency) to spending huge sums

(c) Spending some time at the police station and trying to talk your way out of trouble (good luck with that)

Major punishments include:

(a) Being shot at, or worse still, being shot to death and being accused of being an armed robbery suspect!
(b) Spending the night in a mosquito infested cell (that ought to teach you not to mouth-off again)

Do Not Dress Inappropriately

2) This rule mostly applies to ladies. Women who dress inappropriately are referred to as prostitutes. And by dressing inappropriately, it means you are wearing clothes that reveal the better part of your legs, breasts and your butt. There are places in Lagos that you could get away with wearing such outfits, but in most places you are likely to be leered at, beaten-up or stripped of your clothes. Many people are still very conservative and would frown at inappropriate dressing.

3) Do Not Quarrel With Your Landlord/Landlady

No one will encourage you to pick a fight with your landlord/landlady even if he or she does perform his or her duties concerning your complaints about the apartment. Quarrelling with your landlord/landlady is a one way ticket to having your property tossed-out on the street. Apartments are quite expensive in Lagos and are not always easy to get.

4) Do Not Make Payments On Properties That Are Still Under Construction

Many people have been scammed by making part or full payments on properties that are still under construction. People are always looking for apartments and many unscrupulous landlords take advantage by collecting payments from different people in order to complete their buildings and later give excuses (when you come for the keys of the completed apartment) and some would even tell you to go to hell.

5) Do Not Attempt To Shop-Lift At A Local Market

Everyone knows that there is one punishment for shop-lifting in a local market (for example, Oshodi market, Obalende market, Mushin market, Oyingbo market and et cetera); the perpetrator will be beaten to the point of comatose (female shop-lifters are not spared). The beatings are better than the former treatment accorded to shop-lifters in the early 90's; shop-lifters were beaten, stripped and burnt! But now, they are only beaten-up and stripped.

Lagos is a great place to live, just follow the rules and you will do just fine.