Five Things Not to Inhale: Dangerous, Hazardous, and Toxic!

We're constantly being told how to be healthy and stay alive. New diet gurus and health findings pop up every hour. All these people with positive attitudes out there, trying to proactively change your health.

I'm a Negative Nancy. And you will listen up; here are five things you will not sniff.

5) Carbon Monoxide

Carbon monoxide is a colorless, odorless, and tasteless gas. But don't sniff it. It is a highly toxic gas and the leading cause of accidental poisoning deaths in America. It is created during the incomplete combustion of fuel, when oxygen is limited and full combustion is not possible. Often, when having an attack by carbon monoxide, the symptoms seem to be similar to the flu or a common cold. But the true culprit is not a flu or a cold, it is often much worse. Carbon monoxide, in high amounts of poisoning, can cause unconsciousness and death. As a precaution in your house, make sure to keep a carbon monoxide monitor plugged in and charged in many areas of your house.

4) Asbestos

Asbestos? Surely you mean asparagus, Mr. Writer? And why would asparagus be dangerous?

There is such a thing as asbestos, and it has nothing to do with asparagus. Asbestos is a naturally-occurring mineral which is found in construction materials for roofing/siding, is found in the air, and is found in water. However, you better make sure they aren't putting this stuff in your Evian mineral water. Asbestos is known to cause numerous cancers such as prostate cancer and lung cancer. Asbestos is also associated with a number of nasty sounding diseases, such as asbestos warts, pleural plaques, and diffuse pleural thickening. Yuck. So please don't go near this stuff, and please do not give some polished asbestos to your rock-collecting nephew.

3) Ammonia

Ammonia is a chemical which is used in many consumer products, such as fertilizer, refrigerants, disinfectant, fuel, and cigarettes. Lets keep the ammonia just in these products like that; please don't sniff this stuff. There have been many kids in high school chemistry classes who thought they were tough enough to withstand the chemical, took a big whiff of ammonia, and didn't remember a single thing after waking up in an emergency room. Don't be a high school fool. Going near this stuff is nasty; your nose feels as if it is burning. One tip: do not, under any circumstances, mix this with household bleach. Various toxic and carcinogenic substances will form on mixing. But of course, if you have a death wish, drink and/or sniff an ammonia/bleach concoction for breakfast!

2) Battery Acid

Battery acid is a 33.5% concentration of Sulfuric Acid. It is the little white powder that pops up if a battery leaks in any electronic device. Snort this stuff up your nose, and you're looking at possible damage to your respiratory tract and erosion of your teeth. Nope, rubbing this stuff all over your teeth won't make 'em whiter; it will just make them disappear. Battery acid inhaled can also cause immediate and severe irritation of eyes, if you mess up in your attempt to inhale some, making it land up in your eyes instead.

1) Helium

Squo! Squeaky squeak squeakizzle!

That's how people sound when taking in one of the most popular party inhalants: helium. When you suck in helium, your voice temporarily goes higher, sounding like a young girl. This is because the speed of sound in helium is about three times that of the speed of sound in air. Almost everyone has opened up a helium balloon and sucked it in; I have as well. However, the danger in helium is in how fun it is. People get carried away. Sucking in helium displaces oxygen, causing asphyxia. If you go up to a helium tank, put your mouth to the nozzle, and open it up, beware. The most likely thing that will happen is that your lung will burst. Likely death. Even if that doesn't happen, if you take in enough helium continuously, you could suffocate to death within minutes.

Not to mention that you will likely be nominated for the Darwin Awards.

Bonus) Tennis Balls

Inhale tennis balls, Mr. Writer? I don't know about you, but I was not born with disgustingly huge nostrils!

No, you're not inhaling the tennis balls, per se. But you are sniffing the tennis balls. When you have time try this: Open a can of tennis balls, take off the aluminum top, and immediately start sniffing the can by putting your nose on the top ball. I'm guessing that there are some chemicals in the box to keep the tennis balls colored and/or bouncy. Sniffing tennis balls is to tennis players as hookah is to Indians; its a natural part of life. And if you know tennis players and Indians, they're nuts!