Five Things Wedding Guests Don't Like: A Lesson in Etiquette

Planning a wedding is one of the most stressful events you'll ever go through in your life (so I've been told.) Though I have yet to stroll down the aisle, I've been to enough weddings in my lifetime that I've considered "professional wedding guest," as a second career. Got a table of ten and nine guests? Call me. Through the years, I've observed what works and what doesn't when it comes to really fun and fabulous wedding receptions. Following are some wedding reception "don't's" that don't go over so big with wedding guests.

1. Bands Don't Work
Sorry, but there's something about bands at wedding receptions that just don't bring the party (with the notable exception of Adam Sandler as the Wedding Singer.) Your guests want to cut loose on the dance floor at your wedding. I've been to weddings where the bands were absolutely amazing but not a single soul was on the dance floor. I've been to weddings with blues bands, Irish jig bands (after thirty minutes of jigging, you're pretty much done for the night) and the old standby, disco bands. The fact of the matter is, people like DJs and the onus is on you to find a great one. People like to make requests and are pretty much set on dancing to the version of the song they hear on the radio. The only time I've ever seen a band successfully incorporated into a wedding reception was when one of my girlfriends hired a mariachi band to play during cocktail hour at her wedding; a DJ helmed the rest of the evening. If it's important to you to include a band in some capacity, to honor your heritage for example, consider doing it during cocktail hour.

2. Long Breaks Don't Work
This is a tough one, as religious traditions might be a factor in what time you hold your wedding, which can impact the start of your reception. However, taking four or five hours for pictures is a bit much. Minimizing the time between the end of your wedding and the start of your reception is an important consideration for your guests. When guests have too much time on their hands between ceremony and reception, they'll either starve or stuff themselves. Ideally you want your guests to eat and drink and be merry at your reception, not at a bar they found along the way. Try to take as many photos before the ceremony as possible and if possible, start your cocktail hour immediately after the ceremony. Remember - folks want to get the party started!

3. Not Feeding Your Guests Doesn't Work
I once attended a wedding that started at 7 p.m. and "dinner" consisted of finger foods and an open bar. Little food + Lots of liquor = Disaster. Word on the street at the wedding was the "miniature" menu was chosen because it was trendy. While the open bar is a thumbs up, for an evening reception people expect dinner. Unless you are having a simple backyard wedding at two in the afternoon, finger food just isn't acceptable. Your guests have spent money on gifts (sometimes hefty cash gifts), possibly new clothes, airfare and hotel accommodations. They want to eat!

4. Open Seating Doesn't Work
I've run across a bride or two who wanted to eschew the traditions of assigned seating at their wedding reception. While this seems like a fun idea in theory, it can lead to chaos. At one wedding I attended, the bride, of all people, lost her seat when she went to the ladies room. Yikes. At other weddings, it's been a mad dash to "save seats" which is akin to saving seats in a movie theatre the night Harry Potter opens. Wedding guests are like programmed cattle; we want to be told where to go, what time to be there and where to sit. Some brides fear assigned seating will restrict mingling. Well, for one thing, we won't be sitting at the table all night! Trust me, if people want to mingle, they will mingle. That's what bars and dance floors are for. Yes, seating charts can be a pain, but sometimes, traditions exist for a reason. Also, consider this; for your wedding guests who might not know a lot of people, putting them at a table with other people will encourage conversation versus leaving that poor soul to fend for themselves when it comes time to find a table to sit at. If you're set on "open seating," consider placecards. Guests can take their placecard to the table they choose. Then they won't have to worry about finding someone else in their seat when they come back from the sweets table.

5. Cash Bars Don't Work
Boy, does this one bear repeating. Often. Cash bars at a wedding reception are just plain bad form. Most people don't carry cash to a wedding, so it's possible your guests will find themselves in a bind if they want something other than wine or beer - particularly at more formal evening receptions, where inevitably, someone will want a mixed drink. One of my recently married girlfriends and her husband shunned a DJ in favor of an I-Pod (a creative and worthy alternative to a band) in order to increase their alcohol budget. If budgetary constraints are an issue, consider combining the cash and open bar. Distribute drink tickets in the wedding invitations as part of the enclosures. Make it clear to your guests that after they exhaust their drink tickets, they will be expected to pay for their drinks.

Sources:

http://www.superweddings.com/etiquette.html