Five Tips for Effective Timeouts that Work for Parents and Their Kids

Five Tips for Effective Timeouts Most people tense up when hearing the word discipline. Spanking and stern reprieve comes to mind, yet I follow more of the pro-solution oriented method of discipline of timeouts. You will however need to be firm and consistent.

There are two philosophies to bear in mind when disciplining children. The first is that your role is to teach them correct behavior. You are not their friend; you are something more important and more lasting. The role of a mother or father is crucial to a person's view of who they are as a person, and the role they will be to their own offspring. The second is the child needs to understand the reason as to why the behavior is unacceptable and they are not to repeat the behavior again. This is just as much for their sake as your sake, or that of society. Rules provide guidelines and balance to community.

As a parent who does not believe that spanking is the answer, and having experience with some rather difficult children and their behavior, I've found the following techniques work for most cases;

1. Be firm. Do not show fear or doubt. Wavering on the method of discipline shows uncertainty. A child looks to you to be in charge. They need to know that you know what you are doing, regardless if you feel you are or not. Knowing who is in charge, and looking to you for guidance and comfort, provides a child with a level of security and safety.

2. The timeout area can be a chair or room providing there is no entertainment value to the place the child is set. There should be no television, video game, phone, or distraction. A timeout is for quiet reflection, even if starting with a screaming fit. The child will eventually calm down to consider their behavior.

3. No parole. Cutting a timeout short, or letting a child off for good behavior illustrates uncertainties on your part. Early dismissal shows they can change their behavior and not face consequences for their actions. Timeouts are punishment for their action, while allowing them the time to consider that action.

4. Be forgiving. It's perfectly natural to be angry and disappointed in a child's behavior when they go against the rules, but as a parent, your job is to correct that behavior, not punish them after the fact over and over. By forgiving them once they 'do their time', and not holding your anger over their head, you are using the sugar rather than the vinegar to get them to understand. Forgiveness also lets the child know that you disapprove of the behavior not the child.

5. Let the punishment fit the crime. Unless the child actually learns what they did was wrong, no amount of yelling will help. Explain before and after what they did wrong, and why the behavior was wrong. Older kids need more creative methods such as taking away privileges such as use of the phone, going out with their friends, or the use of a favorite toy (bike, radio, television).

You are the parent. This sounds silly, doesn't it? Of course, you are the parent, but too often parents want to be their child's best friend. This is not your role. Friends are also important, but that is not your role. Your role as a mother/father means you need to raise the youngsters to be healthy, happy, adjusted adults. They have their friends, even best friends. Some will come and go, but a parent is there for the long haul. Know that discipline means correcting behavior that might otherwise be harmful to your child or to others. This mean; it is for their own good. Although a bit cliche', its nonetheless true. Teaching good behavior makes for healthy, happy adults.