Five Tips to Help You Get Along with Your Thai In-laws

Getting on with your Thai in-laws is will likely make your life easier; this is especially true if you are going to be spending a lot of time with them. The behaviour that will be expected from you will depend on your in-laws social status and level of education, but there are certain things that you can do which will likely make your relationship with them easier. My knowledge on this topic was hard-earned; as I spent over three and a half years living in the same village as my in-laws. I made many mistakes, but I also learnt a lot along the way.

1. In Thailand family is of great importance and they tend to spend a lot of time together. If you wanted to be accepted as part of the clan then you will be expected to put the hours in with lots of eating and socialising together. This can be difficult for those of us who value our own space and are not familiar with eating as part of a large group. My wife's family found it difficult to understand my fondness for having time alone as it just isn't how they do things. If you want to get along with your Thai in-laws you will usually be expected to spend a lot of time with them.

2. In Thailand you are often expected to offer support to your in-laws in times of need. This is not something that I have been very good at, and I must admit feeling uncomfortable when I hear the amount of financial support some westerners offer their Thai in-laws. I have never really had any money to give, but I did give them my old motorbike. I have been fortunate with my wife's family in that she has sisters who are richer than I am and so get to take the burden. Other westerners are not so fortunate and offering some support financial might be expected if you wish to get along with your Thai in-laws; just be careful that you are not taken advantage of and instead of seeing you as a valued member of the family they begin seeing you as the driver of the gravy train.

3. Try and make sure that you have a common language that you can use with your in-laws. If they are educated and speak English then that is great, but if they can only speak in Thai or a dialect of Thai then learning their language will be important. You can only develop a shallow type of relationship if your only means of communication is pointing at things and body language.

4. Learn about and show interest in local customs and express interest in your in-laws view of the world. Looking down your nose at them is unlikely to lead to an easy relationship no matter how well you manage to hide your snobbery. Some of my in-laws beliefs have come into conflict with my own, especially when they wanted to change my son's name because of ghosts, but I have learnt to deal with these cultural clashes in a respectful manner.

5. Never come between your partner and their family. If you wish to get along with your Thai in-laws it is best to avoid all arguments with them. Don't cause people in the family to lose face, and don't get into arguments over petty things. Never ask your partner to choose between you and their family; you might win a battle this way, but you are sure to lose the war and this will make it extremely difficult for ever get along with your Thai in-laws.