Five Types of Husbands

Dr. Bethany Marshall describes five types of male partners in her book, Deal Breakers (Simon & Schuster, 2008). Each is characterized by certain behaviors and understanding these can help a spouse to live in greater harmony with her man. Positive changes can come about if the man admits to and is willing to work on his weaknesses.

The Scriptwriter Husband

This character picks up on small details and assumes he knows his wife better than she knows herself. He often imposes stereotypes on her and expects her to conform to his expectations. As a result, the wife may end up role-playing to keep the peace. This is damaging in the long term and will only build resentment. Here are some lines that a scriptwriter often comes up with:

• "You're hiding things from me."
• "You're never there for me."
• "Without me you'd be nothing."
• "You're a gold digger."

The best way to counteract a scriptwriter is to act naturally and don't allow him to bully and manipulate.

The Man in Charge

This man is a controller and likes to know everything about his wife. In extreme cases, this includes overseeing her social life and reading her emails. At first he may come across as concerned, but little by little he erodes a woman's independence. Here are some telltale signs to look for:

• Checking on his wife's whereabouts
• Continually offering suggestions and advice
• Agitation when his suggestions are not followed
• Interrupting conversations

Controlling men need to learn to let their wives be themselves. This is often a process more than an overnight change and marriage counseling can bring about improvement.

The Perfect Man

The perfect man believes he is invincible and expects others to admire him. He has an inflated opinion of his self-worth and overlooks his mistakes and negative aspects of his behavior. The message he sends out is this:

• He is the best at his job
• His intelligence is unmatched
• He is the most devoted husband

As a result of his distorted beliefs, his wife invariably feels inferior, ugly and incapable. If she confronts him, he denies everything and seems unable to see the destructiveness of his attitude. Marriage counseling can help but it may be difficult to convince him to participate.

The Invisible Husband

These husbands have problems with emotion and may go to extreme lengths to avoid anger, excitement or any strong feelings. He is often a loner and avoids social contact. First impressions maybe that he is quiet, shy, a little distant and impervious to disapproval. Warning signs include the following:

• Lack of intimacy and deep conversation
• Tries to please people
• Conflict makes him retreat emotionally
• Involvement with stuff rather than people

The invisible man may learn to respond if his wife coaches him and encourages him to show more feeling and emotion. This can be an extended process but worth it to save a marriage.

The Man who is a Little Boy Inside

This man is looking for a mommy to organize his life. He expects his wife to arrange everything and lacks in commitment and responsibility. These flaws are often seen in the following ways:

• Laziness around the house
• The wife gives and he takes
• He spends his wife's earnings
• There is little emotional investment

The little boy needs to grow up and take responsibility for personal hygiene, his job and chores around the home. This process can be aided by refusing to do anything for him and explaining the reason why.

People are complex beings and while some men may fit into one of these categories, not all will. It is best to use these groups as an aid to diagnose what is wrong in a marriage and then work on it from there.