Five Ways to Celebrate Anti-Valentine's Day

Here comes February 14. The dreaded Valentine's Day. The day when couples are virtually doomed to fight over presents and "love." Singles are left out in the cold and made to feel inadequate. Great morale boost for everyone, right? You can rebel against this over-commercialized, over-hyped holiday. Anti-Valentine's Day to the rescue.

Anti-Valentine's Day is also celebrated on February 14th. It appeals to those of us who are sick of the idea that presents somehow equal love. It appeals to people who have had bad experiences in past years. It can be fun for people who are always disappointed in Valentine's Day.

#1) Throw an Anti-Valentine's Day party! You can buy expensive dead roses or create your own decorations. Collect dried weeds from your neighborhood and spray paint them dark red and black and stuff them in a vase. Put a black ribbon on the vase. You might paint black broken hearts on a jar if you don't have a vase. Find a large piece of cheap black lace or dye a white piece black. Cover a table with red fabric (or a red sheet) and put the black lace over it. Activities can include the gift exchange - everyone brings the worst Valentine's present they can think of for a gift drawing. When everyone has received an absolutely vile present, start a bonfire or pour black paint over the whole pile. You can bring a hammer along to make sure destruction is total. Other activities could include sharing pictures and tales of past horrors. Make it fun, make it cathartic.

#2) Ignore it completely. Ignoring Valentine's Day is the laziest way to celebrate Anti-Valentine's Day. If you're in a relationship, you have to discuss it with your partner first, of course. Explain why you hate Valentine's Day and why you prefer to ignore the whole fiasco. Come up with your own Anti-Valentine Day traditions together if you can't ignore it.

#3) Treat yourself. Anti-Valentine's Day can be better than the original. Don't wait for some knothead to bring you the right gifts. Go out and get them yourself. The finest chocolate or cherry cheesecake. An elegant bathrobe, a CD of music you love or a great horror movie and curl up with the person with whom you never have to argue.

#4) Spread the hate. Send anti valentines day cards to all your friends, and even better you ex-lovers.

You can find funny and mean Anti-Valentine's cards on the web: http://www.flowgo.com/category/10671_anti-valentines-day-ecards, http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ecards/, and others out there, some too crude to link here. You can find printed cards online that will be mailed directly. Send someone an eyeless teddy bear, or a cute stuffed toy with all the stuffing ripped out. Tell them what you really think.

#5) Spread the love: Forget about that person who broke your heart. Buy a bunch of sugar-free chocolates, inexpensive flower arrangements and go visit a nursing home bringing joy to those who find little happiness. Or, bring supplies to a local no-kill animal shelter. Be sure to play with the puppies while you're there.

The best way to deal with Anti-Valentine's Day may be to think of it as anti-matter. Let Anti-Valentine's meet Valentine's and allow them to mutually destruct in a big puff of pink and black smoke and let neither exist in your world again.