Five Ways to Handle Parent to Adult Child Advise

When I was younger, listening to my parents advise was easy. I could either take it or leave it. As I get older, the advise is more and more unwarranted and unneeded. Here we sit, as grandparents, with three grown children and four grand kids, and still listen to advise from our parents. While discussing this issue with my sister, we both came up with some creative ways to handle the advice giver, our parents.

1. Remind your parent you are grown. Sometimes parents forget that their role as caregiver is over. Hopefully as we age, the parent - child relationship will become more of a friendship. Sometimes the simplest solution is to state,"Mom, did you forget I am grown? I love you and appreciate your advise, but have been doing pretty good on my own for the last 20 years." Most of the time, this is all that is needed to remind your parent you are in charge of your own life.

2. Return the advise. Another option is to turn the conversation around and give advise. If your well meaning parent tells you to quit taking vacations and save money for your 'old age' instead, you might say in return, " Mom, how is your money situation since Dad has been sick? Are you saving for later medical needs?" Some experts state this might be the best method of solving this problem. I myself, find this a bit rude, but only you truly know how your parent will respond.

3. Listen and agree. Simply say, " Yes, I hear you" or "Thanks for the advise." Let your parent know that you have other options and will be considering all means of solving your problem or issue. If your situation resembles mine, more talk would ensue! If all else fails and your DNA donor insists on telling you how to live your life, one solution remains.

4. Turn the topic around. Switch the topic. If Dad starts giving advise on raising the grand kids, turn it around. "Dad, how is Uncle Bob doing? I haven't heard from him in months!" Chances are, distracting the conversation to another topic ends the advise conversation. It might take a few times for your parent to get the hint that you are capable of handling your own affairs.

5. Remember they are your parents. If all else fails, try to remind yourself that you are blessed to have parents who care. My parents are in their ate 80's with few health problems. They are the only set of parents I have and did a decent job of raising three children. After all, several years down the road when I am an 'adult orphan', I probably will wish they were here to give advise.