"Flaking": Irresponsibility at Its Worst

In 1983, I read Gary Crosby's autobiography, "Going My Own Way." While much of Mr. Crosby's book figuratively had my hair standing on end, there was one topic he wrote about that left me totally stunned, with the thought "I've never heard of such a thing..." The fact is with the exception of one specific incident in my childhood, "I've never heard of such a thing" was accurate. However, a couple of decades down the line, the topic has become a commonplace occurrence that affects everything from everyday life to the business world.

In his book, Mr. Crosby related how his mother would sometimes gather him and his younger brothers together, telling them if they were good throughout the week she would take them all to the movies the following Saturday. With something special to look forward to, they were especially good-- did their chores, did well in school, behaved, etc. When the Saturday came the boys went to their mother, ready to go to the movies, only to be told "B.S., I'm not taking you to the movies!"

In this locale, I've been told it is called "flaking"-- no matter what the subject, the general idea is if anyone says they will do something, it's in your best interests to assume they will not follow through with it. However, in this locale, people give themselves built-in excuses: on one hand, many are living the results of drug and alcohol abuse; on the other hand, many are the products of lousy parenting- neglectful parents who could not be counted on for anything. Both situations result in people whose word means nothing.

A couple of years ago, a longtime online friend offered advice. The person said "Give each person two chances- and if they 'flake off' twice without a reasonable explanation, dump 'em." The person went on to say that in addition to any other inconveniences this kind of behavior causes, I should see my time as a "valuable resource" that should not be wasted.

If this kind of thing is difficult enough to cope with in everyday life, in the business world it can range from difficult to disastrous. First, I, like most other people, not only work because I like my job, but because I need the money. Because of both factors, I've been known to do such things as work throughout the entire night to assist with urgent deadline projects, and agree to do extra work when asked to do so. Regardless, I have found 'flaking' to be a never-ending source of aggravation, because there's a huge difference between the business world and everyday life. In the business world, if you're told to expect a job, you begin by making the time to do it. If the job does not come in when you are told to expect it, you end up losing out in the income you would have made from it.

The other difference is in the business world one does not know the people one works for personally. I don't think I'm unique in the belief that people in the business world should be reliable and responsible-- and keeping one's word is a large part of it. Unfortunately, I've found as much 'flaking' in the business world as in everyday life. The one factor both have in common is when people in either area fail to follow through with whatever they have said they will do, it's always "your fault, not theirs." Frankly, I honestly do not understand how anyone can manage to function in any area of their lives-- personal or work-- when "whenever, whatever" is the approach, or, even more to the point, the lack of concern about the consequences to other people. While in everyday life people wasting other people's time can result in difficulties, in the business world the "difficulties" can mean not being able to pay one's bills.

I decided to write about this after reading a post by some unknown person on a forum. The person did not know what to make of this kind of thing-- and neither do I. While the person commented about "basic manners," I take it further-- what it's about is integrity. I also duly noted the person posted his or her comments as a "mental health" issue-- assuming there must be something very wrong with people who demonstrate this degree of irresponsibility on a regular basis. First, "flaking" involves being disorganized and careless; second, it shows no regard for either the people who are on the receiving-end of it, or the consequences to those people; and third, when it comes to responsibility for this kind of behavior, it always comes to "passing the buck"-- a "Flaker" never admits fault, never accepts responsibility; it's always the "Flakee's" fault for taking the person at his or her word. It's entirely possible the poster was accurate in deeming it a mental health issue.

Prior to reading Mr. Crosby's book, I'd only had one experience that involved someone saying something, not following through with it, and then brushing it off. When I was a child, one of my much-older brothers married a young woman who had a much different background than ours. One day early in the week, she said after payday on Friday she would take me out for ice cream. When Friday evening came and passed I approached her. She shrugged, replied "I didn't say 'I promise'," and walked away.

While my own parents made some mistakes, this kind of behavior was not one of them. As was the case with many things I was taught as a youngster, this topic was another one that was "taught by example." I was probably familiar with the concept "if you say you will do something do it- and if you actually can't, then it's your responsibility to make up for it" before I even began Kindergarten. I never fail to be stunned by the numbers of adult-aged people who have never grasped this concept at all. In everyday life it's a time-waster, but in the business world it can be a financial disaster.

People are not perfect, and mistakes can be made. However, this is not about an occasional error-in-judgment, it is about those who are consistent in being inconsistent. For those who fall into this category, ask yourself: Why do you believe you are not responsible for how your actions affect others?

When the incident occurred with my new sister-in-law, I felt a little hurt and let down, and a little confused; but that negativity gave way to the thought "I guess she wasn't raised to know any better." Thinking about the recent experiences I've had in everyday life and in the business world, is that everybody's "excuse"?