Float Your Vote and Check in Again on the Census While the Counts Are Out

Today, the President of the United States announced at a Congressional meeting that he'd cancelled the moribund $150 billion efforts to automate the American vote. "I'm unveiling an innovative new legislation program and awarding development contracts to MicrosoftGov in conjunction with Facebook World Entertainment, Inc. that will result in significant savings for our country. We don't need three organizations managing our citizens and their choices. I'm consolidating the responsibilities for census taking, social security, voting and border control under a new office titled the Bureau of Citizenship. I believe this program will increase citizen exercise of their rights because doing your duty as a citizen will be easy and fun."

A hushed silence followed the announcement while the President stood with his hands raised and a grin stretched across his face then journalists pounced, questioning the recent turnabout on campaign subsidies and the prominent role play planned for the software companies. Many fought for the right to get details for their publication first, some demanding how the new program would verify the authenticity of the vote and if they'd considered first amendment rights as part of the bidding process.

The President maintained his cheery and in-command demeanor. "We will establish a baseline identity for every citizen at birth using eye scan technology to record iris print data."

Under heavy questioning by the media, details of the new voting system emerged. Voters in the future would confirm their identity using web cam eye scan technology when entering their vote via a Facebook application.

One journalist from AARP questioned the ability of seniors and the ability of immigrants to adapt but the MicrosoftGov Representative provided reassurance with the statement "the system will be developed using ease of use ratings for 6-8 year olds and will allow game playing for up to ten minutes prior to and post voting, thus encouraging youth to aid the elderly and in need of translators."

Senator Maskins from Missouri questioned fraud issues. Senator Wastin questioned costs.

The President answered, "Halliburton will manage the repurposing of our failing library system to manage voter registration and late life citizen social security enrollment. Doing so, we will make use of existing infrastructure. Simple iris print, no superstitious number quandary to deal with, just snap a photo at birth, compare it later when registering to vote and every vote thereafter."

A sour note had the LegalizeMarijuna Task Force fuming. In a nutshell, citizens were warned that the FBI would be watching for taletell signs of drug use including broken blood vessels, crystal build up and discoloration in all voting scans. Pot smokers were advised to forgo for at least four days prior to exercising their rights as the recent challenge to the "Just Say No In Public" law ended with Supreme Court Justice Robocissus Judeus writing the closing arguments in favor of the Federal Government.

Many grumbled about the waste of tax payer dollars by cancelling the current efforts, but the President added the cherry on top of his proposal, "we've decided to cave to the "Hanging Chad" constituency and build a Museum of Voting in Florida. Caring citizens can support the new program by purchasing chads with their names engraved for $50 and then placed on display."

This hardly seems sufficient to cover the new project costs. Under continued questioning it appears ObamaHealth will also have offices in the libraries, apparently to provide counseling to young voters coming to grips with the true meaning of a gadzillion dollars in deficit spending for the first time.

Wow, did the future just flash before your eyes or is it just me?