Food Costs Soar as Local Restaurant Chain Goes "Jamaican"

In an attempt to put an end to sluggish sales, local restaurant chain "All up En-ya" recently implemented a widely successful "Theme Week" promotion that featured food from across the globe. After two months of profitable theme weeks, including the widely popular "Get your French on" and "Goody-Goody Greek Week" the restaurant's profits have abruptly ceased.

Known for their international cuisine and controversial promotion schemes, All Up En-ya has built their reputation of "Quality Food served Unconventionally" through years of increasingly bizarre practices. The most infamous of these practices being the "Catapult Cobbler" incident that occurred last Summer. Four people were hospitalized with minor concussions and Second-degree burns after attempting to catch flying hot cherry cobbler in their mouths.

"I guess I just got a little carried away with the whole Medieval Monday promotion..." says manager Wally Beavers, "...the salesman from ACME assured me the catapults were safe and extremely accurate."

After the ensuing lawsuits were settled out of court, the restaurant chain has been forced to rebuild its image and concentrate on regaining their customer base. A feat that some said was highly improbable if not impossible.

In the past two months since their "Theme Week" promotions began, All up En-ya has been on track to effectively silence their critics, and become a highly profitable venture once again. The only exception to the restaurant's success has been Jamaican Week.

"I just don't get it..." says Beavers, "...these promotions were fool-proof, they're the best idea I've had since Lick a Ta-Ta Tuesdays. Yet for some unknown reason, every time we attempt Jamaican Week we consistently lose money."

According to Beavers, the employees are strongly encouraged to be as authentic as possible during each Theme Week, and to mimic the represented culture closely. As an example, the employees were told during French week to act as chain-smoking, condescending, America-haters. To add to the realism, the female employees were not allowed to shave for the entire week.

The Jamaican week promotion made use of cultural idiosyncrasies such as Reggae music, dreadlocks, and heavy use of Marijuana to add to the authenticity. Male employees were given pseudo-dreadlock hats to wear and females were given traditional Jamaican head-wraps. In keeping with the Jamaican culture, employees were also given one-ounce bags of high grade marijuana, rolling papers, and a small bong.

The drugs, obtained through a seldom used loop hole in the state's medical marijuana initiative, are kept in the restaurant's vault and rationed to the employees at the beginning of each shift, who are then required to smoke heavily before taking the floor to serve customers.

"We do receive a few complaints," admits Beavers, "some customers don't appreciate the food delivered to their tables half-eaten by a giggling half-baked waiter smitten with the munchies."

The half-eaten food accounts for a small percentage of the escalating food costs with the largest portion of food cost attributed to theft. Line cooks at All up En-ya claim that the food is prepared as ordered but often disappears mysteriously.

When asked about the possibility of employees being responsible for the theft given their reported rapid weight gain, Beavers remains doubtful.

"At this time we have no suspects, but the hunt for answers will continue," asserts Beavers. "If costs continue to escalate we may have to cancel the Jamaican promotion and try another angle. I've been toying with an idea for a "Speed Week" promotion for some time now, we may just have to give that a shot."

According to Beavers the Speed Week Promotion will boast unprecedented speed of service times. When asked how he plans on achieving these speeds, Beavers smirked and answered, "I just got a great deal on a crate of Triple strength caffeine suppositories. That should get their asses movin' !! "

We wish them the best of luck.