Food for Thought: Sights, Sounds, and Insights from a Retirement Community Restaurant

The dinner table is a common place where people come to gather for a good meal, and after a hard day's work, a good plate of a favorite dish has a great penchant for making the rough patches in life that we all seem to go through simply fade away. But, could a meal at a dinner table mean something more than simply just filling the stomach, or can it actually mean something more to others than it does to the average American who simply looks at it as another time to stuff their face?

As a waiter in the dining area of the facility that I work for, I care for and serve between thirty and forty people a day, two meals a day. I make sure that they have a clean table to eat at, clean silverware and plates, cloth napkins, straight tablecloths, and the like. But, even with all of that, I always look for other things too that will make every experience memorable for them, because when a person comes for a dining experience, should it be memorable for more than just the food? When I studied to be a nurse's aide some years ago, I found that eating times mean so much more to those that live in these establishments. It is what is known as 'quality of life'. 'Quality of life' is simply defined in layman's terms as how happy and comfortable that an elderly person is. It also points to if they are feeling healthy not just simply physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. Meal times, believe it or not, actually fall into that category, as meal times (other than activities) are the only times that residents of retirement communities have to actually converse with each other and talk about what has been happening in their day, or perhaps to reminisce of past things such as family or jobs, or perhaps even old war stories from those that are war veterans.

I have found that in these ten years, I have been included in a lot of these discussions, where I began to learn of their lives and of the hardships, trials, and tribulations that they have endured in their youth. I have met war veterans that have seen atrocities that I have only began to think of or have only seen in movies. I have talked about love and heartache and regret with them. I have laughed, cried, lived, and also felt the pain when it comes to experiencing their deaths on what I call my 'watch'. I have seen the smiles that reach their faces when it comes to how I approach them and serve them their meals. It is never with indifference or scolding, but rather with a very secret ingredient that I try to add to this concoction. The ingredient is one thing :love.

My job, in my opinion, is more than simply just laying a plate of food in front of a person and saying 'here you go', as life is its own recipe, is it not? We are exposed to so many different flavors as time goes on that we always seem to know when we have just happened upon the right combination. In a retirement setting, they have to follow the same cookbook that everyone does no matter what the age. At times, life can be very sweet, like honey, as it tickles its way down our throats and makes our very stomachs sing in glory after the first succulent taste. But then, there is also the bitter, the taste that when it enters the mouth, it is horrid, and when it hits the stomach it feels as if someone has kicked you and the pain will simply never go away.

It is because of the elderly that I begin to understand not only what it is to do what I do for a living, but also in life itself. They have taught me that there is a very simple recipe that can come from within ourselves that can help us maintain the balance and make for a longer and healthier life. First, you take a grandiose dose of laughter, as not only is it the best medicine, but also is one of the key ingredients to face life's struggles no matter what the age. Then, we add just a pinch of bitter, if only to make us feel alive in the sense that it allows us to become stronger. Then, add the tears, whether they be in sadness or joy, to allow us to feel and to cleanse the soul. Finally, you add the last ingredient...empathy. Empathy allows us to be more in tune with each other as time passes, and allows us to share in each other's struggles and learn that we all have loads to bear, and occassionally, it is nice to have someone or something to help us bear that load.

In dining or retirement, or even in life, we all have a recipe that works for us, and all of them may be the same, but of course with a slight bit of variation. Even with all of that, although, the elderly teach all of us that no matter what life throws at us, we must always refer to the cookbook at times, just to see if something may have went wrong in the making of the dish. With dishes such as these, it is a matter of trial and error.

It is for this reason that I say to you that food and eating is more than simply opening our mouths and inserting the fork. It is about timing, love, grace, and a whole lot of many other things. It is recipes like these that I have obtained over the years that have made me the man that I am today. When I say "learned', I should really say "understood", as these residents are more than just people that I serve every day. They are, in truth, my extended family, and is it not said in a verse somewhere that it is best to learn from those that came before us? Perhaps a little food for thought to contemplate.