Football 1, Stalking 0

Colin Cowherd Stalking!?
What does the fan think while browsing on a laptop in a sports bar when he sees a Colin Cowherd story about stalking? "I need to see what's on ESPN television" he mumbles as he clicks the remote; he says this to himself you might think since ESPN doesn't even respond to the allegation that their employee is alleged to have been involved in stalking a Virginia man. It's a dedicated sports audience who watch football so intently that their interest isn't peaked more than it has been.

I wrote a story about Colin Cowherd of ESPN which described the stalking allegation and it took TWO days to get even one page view. On the other hand a story I wrote last year about NFL injury numbers--only numbers--that each NFL has incurred during the 2010 NFL season and that story has gotten more than 4,000 page views (and still counting.) What is the thrill of the sports injury as opposed to the stalking. It's maybe a bit like finding out your favorite teacher is a mobster on the side or your Dad is dealing drugs to pay for the cable bill. Why, pray tell, doesn't ESPN put his story to bed once and for all by getting on one side or the other of it? Is you is or is you ain't my baby: could ESPN tell us if it's true or if it isn't!

The Tirico Effect
Since I'm here and we're talking sports lets talk about the Tirico Effect which you have definitely experienced if you're an NFL fan (you might have been drawn in to this story as I mentioned Mike Tirico in the teaser.) It's really the Mike Tirico Effect to be accurate. It's the feeling you get when he starts talking during the pre-game Monday Night Football show that gives you a feeling of constipation. As you begin to feel your bowels back up a bit you further have gotten the habit of asking your self: "Self, do I like NFL football more or less than I like Mike Tirico?" There's more as NFL fans know. You will definitely ask yourself as I have dozens of times: "Self, can I tolerate the Tirico Effect with the sound off?" There are so many things NFL fans will consider. Will the Tirico Effect linger? Will I be able to enjoy the game with my wife in light of the constant threat of physical discomfort from the Tirico Effect? Doctors have been hired by ESPN to consider the long term health consequences of living in the immediate proximity of the Tirico Effect. Can the suppressed laughter of the Tirico Effect cause problems in my marriage.

Can Jaws and Coach Gruden Survive?!
You might further consider that Jaws and Coach Gruden are in range of the full radiant effect of the Tirico Effect! Will they be able to spontaneously generate humor while being constipated by the Tirico Effect?

You further consider the loss (with the sound muted) of the Ron Jaworski and Coach Gruden as they offer insightful and thought-provoking comments. I usually just turn off the sound or turn it way up and go to another room.

I STILL feel a bit constipated!