"For What?"

I am a quiet man
Proud to keep it all inside
Humiliated at explosions
and terrified of demons
just as old, to the day, as me

I need my regrets
I need my pain
I strive to keep
my ills alive
in remembrance that
they make me humble

Sometimes, though, there
are days
when I want nothing more than
to climb the highest mount -
-draw in the coldest of air
and then shout
to rocks
to trees
to whomever will be pleased
to hear the lonliest of mankind
ask, "For what?"

But, again, I will keep it all in
Wondering not of blessings or sin
and keep my ass from the summit of Earth
but wondering...
...always wondering...
"How much more before I ascend?"