For Abuse Victims, Silence is the Worst Enemy

First, I must be clear on what that does not mean-- it does not mean "blasting out," physically or even verbally at a person or an object; for that matter, it does not even mean expressing anger. What it does mean is freeing yourself from the influence of other emotions which have weakened you. Think about it-- a person who has been abused in one form or another feels "fear," feels "confusion," feels "frustration," all of these feelings symbolizing helplessness, all of these feelings weaken a person. They lower the state of the intellect to where the intellect is little more than a knee-jerk reaction to these emotions-- "What if it gets worse? Why is this individual doing this? Why isn't there anything I can do about it? What if it is never over?"-- a whole host of whys and what-ifs, which only serve to weaken you even further.

An abuser will like if he can control your actions-- but will like it even more if he can control your feelings. For those who have knowledge on this subject, most well-informed people are aware that habitual abusers have specific tactics which are so common that they could be called universal. The habitual abuser's primary concern is "getting away with" what he does-- and the primary means of doing so is by "silencing" those whom he abuses.

The nearly-universal tactics consist of telling the victim that his actions are not wrong, that she is reacting to something else altogether; telling her that his actions are not wrong, that the victim herself is responsible because of how she "chooses to feel" about it; and, the main silencing-tactic which has allowed abusers to "get away with" their behavior since time itself began-- "nobody will believe you." Asserting that he can convince the world that you're either crazy or a liar or both, is the time-proven tactic of silencing one who has been abused.

How does that make you feel? That's a loaded question-- and it is intended to be. If you aren't yet to the point where you need to be, you may be weakened by those feelings of helplessness-- fear, confusion, frustration. But it is not necessary to remain so-- you can take back your life, your self, your strength. Try focusing instead on the instigator; less about the power he seeks with his actions than about the bottom-line fact that the number-one foundation of an habitual abuser is that he fully believes he will get away with his actions.

He will get away with it if he has succeeded in silencing you. You have been seen-- and treated as-- nothing but an object, without the acknowledgment of your full characteristics and qualities of a person. Regardless of what form of abuse you have suffered-- physical, sexual, verbal, psychological-- it was a matter of denying you your place as a human being. Don't fall into the trap of psychobabble; you do not need to be further weakened by words like "healing" and "recovering," because if you seriously think about it, you will see that such terms label you a Victim; while what you focus on instead is that you have been Victimized. There is a huge difference.

Your silence is your worst enemy; it will continue to destroy you even if the individual in question is no longer in the picture. Someone coined the term "breaking the silence" for a reason-- and what breaking the silence is really all about is asserting that you are indeed a human being, and that your rights as a human being have been violated. Take a cue from the Gospel of Thomas-- what you bring forth will save you.

Silence will keep you held in the role of victim-- because you have not asserted your rights as a human being, you have not spoken up in your defense, in your own behalf. In any abusive situation, your needs were kicked away; you must regain them, you must validate them by using your own words. You must be able to say that what happened to you was Wrong. You must be able to say that no one deserves such shabby treatment. You must be able to say you are a human being-- and, by saying the words, begin to realize it again.

You must allow yourself to become angry-- take the focus off how being abused made you feel, and focus instead on the fact that the individual who did such things had no right.