For the Guys: Love Letters Made Easy

Millions of American males play out the same scenario every year. They don't even remember Valentine's Day until it's already February 14. Then they run out on their lunch hour and grab a box of Russell Stover chocolates, or they call the florist on their coffee break, or they stop at their local Mega-Mart on the way home and pick up a pair of gold hoop earrings (very similar, by the way, to the ones that they picked up for Christmas at the last second). They sign the Valentine card while they are still in the car before entering the house, and then finally present all of their quickly acquired treasures to that special lady, fully expecting her to gush all over how thoughtful the gifts are. They also assume the rest of the evening will be as steamy as a paperback novel.

Instead, they receive the quick kiss on the cheek, and the standard "thank you." Then they discover that the conversation during their "romantic dinner" is altogether too normal, all about the kids having trouble with homework, the toilet still running in the upstairs bathroom, the car still making that funny sound during left-hand turns, etc. In other words, the discussion is kind of like every other day in the year, and certainly not steamy and suggestive, as one might hope for on this special day for lovers. And the rest of the evening...well, it's nothing very special, either.

What went wrong? I'll tell you. The ladies have an uncanny way of knowing about how much effort we guys put into Valentine's Day, and they often only return the same amount of effort.

Never fear, gentlemen, for help is on the way. Here's a way to build a real fire for your Valentine's Day date. Go back to the tried-and-true method of writing her a love letter. You may not have written one since you were in junior high, but believe me, a well written love note from your own pen and in your own words, coupled with a simple assortment of chocolates or a small bundle of carnations, will set off the kind of sparks you've been hoping for. And it really isn't as difficult as you may think, as long as you follow the steps outlined below, and include all of the necessary elements.

So...grab a pen and paper, and let's get started.

1. Begin by using her name, or your special pet name for her, in the greeting. Make sure she knows from the outset that this a personalized message just for her.

2. At the very beginning of the letter, set the tone with an "I love you." Follow this up with a little bit about how long you've loved her. "I knew from the time I saw you at our Senior Prom that we should be together," or something appropriate for your experiences.

3. Tell her that she is the subject of your daydreams. Tell her about how often you think of her when you are really supposed to be working. Most every woman likes to hear that she is an occasional distraction for her man when he is supposed to be doing his job.

4. Tell her how much you admire her and the effort she puts out to support the household, if that is appropriate. If there are children, give her some compliments about her parenting skills, and thank her for all of her contributions.

5. Tell her how you remember so many good times during your history with her. Recount the details of some memorable dates or vacations that somehow turned out special. Tell her how you consider these memories to be treasures, and how you often replay them in your mind to lift your spirits when you're feeling kind of low.

6. Tell her that you are hoping to build more memory treasures with her during the coming months, and that you want things to be as loving and playful as they were when you were both in the flirting stage of your relationship. If you can say it truthfully, suggest to her that the two of you should spend more intimate time in the future, and then make whatever commitments are necessary to see that it takes place.

7. Close with another "I love you" phrase.

A few other clues:

a) Write like you talk. Don't try to use a bunch of flowery language that doesn't sound you. If you were going to do that, you might as well have just bought a card from Hallmark! Be sincere without sounding as if you are just patronizing her.

b) Keep it positive. Don't go into any problem areas that the two of you may have encountered along the trail. Speak only of the good things.

c) The letter doesn't have to be real long. If you can include all of the elements shown above in a page or two, you will have accomplished a lot.

d) Don't worry if your finished letter doesn't seem "perfect." For some guys, sharing their thoughts and expressing affection is not a natural thing. Remember, however, that most of the time, even the most poorly written love letter will be appreciated by the woman who hasn't received one in a great long while.

Well, that's about it, gentlemen. Try these tips and see if they don't improve your Valentine's Day experience with that special lady.