For Ladies - a Peak Inside Your Man's Head

Hi, ladies. Would you like to learn more about that special guy in your life and what goes on in his head? Then you need my new article! How can you get my new article? Why it's so easy, you'll wonder why you've never tried it before. To sample my new article, just keep reading this article! It's simple, goes great with lemonade, and pets love it, too.

*Disclaimer: Warning! My new article contains highly random thoughts about your man's likely point of view on things. "Likely" meaning these thoughts are my point of view, and some of them may reflect your guy's point of view. In the event you encounter an opinion that offends, feel free to assume it's just me and in no way applies to your special someone (though, in truth, it probably does).

1) We men really aren't that complicated. No, REALLY, we're not. I hear so many women make remarks about never understanding men and their thinking and why we do things. Here's the truth - we only seem overly complex because you're thinking too hard. It seems like women never stop analyzing every little thing that happens and every little phrase someone says, looking for a deeper cosmic meaning. I think you do this because it's how women are with each other - everything has a secondary meaning, an undercurrent, an implication, that must be broken down and deciphered - so you assume it's the same with us. Let me assure you, IT'S NOT. Now, that isn't to say we never have complex feelings or motivations, and it doesn't mean we're simpletons. It just means if we say something, that's exactly what we mean. If we say "It's cold out today", we don't secretly mean "You're fat, and I hate your mother". We just mean that it's kind of chilly. The same can be applied to the bad-boy types who generally treat you like they don't give a damn. It's not some game or a clever way to keep you interested. If a guy acts like he doesn't care, he truly doesn't care. I'll probably address more about the "bad boy" thing later if I remember and don't get bored writing this.

2) We get that PMS is a tough thing. Really, we do. For some of you, it really seems like it sucks. But I should warn you, we can tell when you're milking it. And plenty of you (thought not all) milk it at some point. Don't lie, we already know. After all, for some reason it's become a free excuse to be bitchy and say whatever you want, so I guess some figure why not enjoy it. Right? I've heard PMS-y women say nonsense like, "He should just understand and give me a hug" or "Doesn't he realize I'm also super horny" or "He's too sensitive". It's funny, the ladies that say this tend to claim they want a sensitive man, but they still want a man who can somehow be bulletproof for a week out of the month. So, here's my point - if you're going to act bitchy, don't expect your man to feel romantic towards you for a few days. During those days, you're not huggable. And when you're yelling at us for folding the sheets wrong, we don't exactly feel like throwing you down and making sweet, sweet love. We try to be tough, but if we care about you, what you say does have an effect. Remember, you may feel totally different the next day, but for us THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. It wasn't some hormone-induced fever dream like the one you just woke up from. We're still the same guy we were yesterday, with the exact same hormone levels. So don't act offended when we're still smarting from your tongue-lashing, and don't say we're overly sensitive for it. Because if we did the same to you, you'd never let us live it down.

3) Your scent has a HUGE effect on us. Smell is the strongest sense tied to memory and emotion, and I think that's especially true for men. I'm not alone when I say I love the way women smell. All the lotions and creams and butters and potions and magic wands you use - they're awesome. I'm not saying we want a woman to smell like we just walked into Bath and Body Works. That's overkill. Subtlety is good. But we love the flowery, delicate way a woman can smell. Now, admittedly, some guys take this too far and end up being creepy about it. We're not including those guys. But we all enjoy it, whether we say it or not. I don't have a lot to say about this, it's just that most guys never think to mention it in their "what women should know" lists, and I think it's awesome enough to warrant a mention.

4) If you're going to drool over a hot guy, you're not allowed to get offended when we notice a beautiful woman. Don't deny it because I've seen pretty much all of you pull this on your man. Last year, I went to see "Australia" with my then-girlfriend (lame movie, by the way - not even Wolverine could save it). The scene came around where Hugh Jackman was shirtless and washing himself. Practically every woman in the theater lost her marbles. Hooting and whistling and sighing- I expected panties to start slapping against the screen. Now, did I mind that? Truthfully, not really. I'm secure enough to admit Hugh Jackman's a good-looking dude, and I'll give any guy credit who takes the time to get that ripped. He's earned it. Here's where the problem starts - the movie also starred Nicole Kidman, a truly beautiful woman. Anytime she was on screen, what did I hear? Nothing. Crickets. Because every man in that theater knew if he did anything to indicate Miss Nicole was hot, he'd get a symphony of rolling eyes and "Ugh!" and "men are pigs", and he'd probably have to endure some glowering silence from his lady, or at least a disapproving look. Ladies, we know you're insecure about other women, and most of us try to notice hot women quietly and discreetly (we'll always notice, we'll just try not to be obvious about it). So, why do many of you feel free to do the exact opposite and slobber all over a hot guy? Let's strike an accord, shall we? If you openly notice a hot guy, we are free to do the same with a hot woman. If that seems disagreeable to you, well maybe you should start doing what we've been doing all along - keep those thoughts to yourself.

5) We like women who take care of themselves. That's the way it is. It doesn't mean we're all shallow pigs, it means that's how we're built. You're built to be drawn towards a stable provider, which is one reason why ugly rich guys pull so much tail. Men need visual stimulation. Now, do we only want stick-thin model types? In truth, most guys want a woman with curves and shape (I find the runway model look very unattractive - most people seem to forget that fashion is heavily influenced by gay men, and of course they don't want to use curvy women, but women interpret what they see at fashion shows to be what all men want, which is NOT TRUE AT ALL). If you're making an effort to take of yourself, to be healthy and look nice, that's what matters because it shows you respect yourself and us, and we enjoy looking at you. If you're making an effort, and we're attracted to you, a few extra pounds really don't matter. What matters is the effort, and the chemistry we have with you. Now having said that, I once dated a girl that slowly, over the course of months as we got more serious, stopped dressing nice, stopped putting on makeup, stopped exercising, stopped fixing her hair, even when we were going out. It was really gradual, so it didn't completely hit me until one evening when someone teased her about it. Her reply was to joke that she "already has a man". She never knew, but that was the beginning of the end for us. That comment pretty much sealed her fate, because even though it was "a joke", it came from a place of truth and I lost respect for her. A couple should never stop trying to be hot for each other, whether they've been together a year or a century.

6) We shake our heads when you go for the bad boy AGAIN. I'll preface my comments with this - I'm not what anyone would consider a "bad boy". But I also don't fall into the "nice guy" category. Because "nice guy" sometimes equates with "boring", and I don't usually have a problem keeping a woman interested. Not bragging, just trying to establish my point of view. I've treated each girlfriend great, but I'm also not a doormat and I like to have fun, be spontaneous and surprising, and I don't put up with any unnecessary drama. I can be a perfect gentleman, and I can call a woman on her crap. So I'm not a bitter "nice guy" when I say this stuff. Guys like me are no longer surprised when pretty women who have their lives together end up chasing the slacker/loser/bad boy. We do end up wondering when you'll learn (those of you that do this - I realize not all women are guilty of it, some of you have your heads on straight), and we marvel at the fact that you never seem to figure out what your problem is. At first it seems like such a shame. You're beautiful and seem like you have potential to be a cool girl. But after a while it just becomes tragically funny. When guys figure out that's who you are, their respect for you will drop to ZERO no matter which category they fall into. The "nice guys" will hate and resent you, the "bad boys" will mark you as easy prey, and guys like me will shake our heads and move on to someone better, wondering if you'll ever grow up.

Well, that's about all that's in my head at the moment.