For The Sunsets I Shared with Him

It takes a lot of mistakes to make something right and one mistake to make all right go wrong. Then, I shouldn't have let him go.

I was screaming for my freedom and I wanted my heart to be guarded on my own. And it was the stupidest decision. I can't do it on my own after all and it's too late to give a damn he has already packed his things up and gone just as the sun began to set. I was left or was it I pushed him away to leave. Then, I realized I was screaming for him. But he was gone. Gone to somewhere beyond my reach, somewhere far beyond me.

It took not days to decipher what has gone wrong in this 3-year relationship. It took months and probably it will take forever. Even the longest relationship existing still falters. Sometimes something deemed useless can inevitably ruin a relationship. And it's not true that we only learn the value of someone when he's gone, we know it but we just didn't think we'd lose it. We neglect too much tiny things that could ruin the relationship.

So, what really went wrong?

What made him go? What made us this way? Indecisiveness? Insecurirty? Or was it just because one loved too much and the other too little?

In human nature, one tends to blame the other for things gone wrong. In fact that's what I'm about to do. It was his fault, for making me an option rather than a priority and for throwing at me lies and deceits thinking love would conceal its exixtence. I wish I could end it there but no. I have flaws too. If I wasn't too demanding, I couldn't have scared him away. If only I trusted him a little I could have saved it for us.

Sometimes, life's really hard to handle to show us what's soft in it. And sometimes in love, we need to feel how to lose somebody in order for us not to be human, to admit mistakes and to realize its presence. Just like the sunset, it only occurs to us the day has ended when the sun has already set.

I shouldn't have let him go.

I loved him so much that I wish I didn't let the sun set, that I didn't set him free. I loved him too much that I must learn to let go. I must learn to be strong. Sunsets are more beautiful and colorful than the sunrise. It just signifies that endings are brighter than beginnings.

I loved him, I set him free, the sun has set but then again, there would still be tomorrow and another sunset to end that.