Forever and Never: The Art of Spending Time

As this year comes to a rapid close I am stunned by all that has happened. I am shocked at the level of self absorption of some people and amazed by the random acts of kindness from others. The number of people who actually pay attention and those who conveniently miss the fact that the world is spinning always intrigues me. Somehow it's never the split I think it will be. I learned how easy it is to say you are friends with someone but actually being a good one is something else entirely. This year has shown me I had no idea what was in me or how deep it went.

It's inevitable as we get older there will be more loss in our lives. Loved ones die; and by loved ones I also mean the less considered but equally devastating when they leave pets that we have raised and loved as pseudo children. Saying someone or something has lived a good life is a wonderful sentiment, but it doesn't ease the pain of losing them. It's possible to disagree with someone vehemently for most of your life, it doesn't assume that you don't love them and aren't connected to them in a way you could never measure.

All too often we spend our time talking about what we woulda, coulda, shoulda but didn't have time for. Time is the eternal thief, taking our lives from us moment by moment in the day's petty pace as we ignore it and talk about what we would do if we had more of it. If you are fortunate you may be granted the luxurious gift of time with the knowledge that it is borrowed and more limited by the day. I was lucky enough to be gifted time this year but some of my close friends were not. As I struggle with managing my borrowed time I never fail to acknowledge those friends and what they wouldn't give to have an hour of what I've had for the last 9 months.

I wouldn't dare to compare my year to those of some of my friends, in light of their tribulations and losses I have been on a cake walk. What I can tell you is that I have never valued time more than I do now. And I don't just mean the showing up to do things that need to be done I actually mean spending it. Lavish it on friends and family, shower it on children, spend it freely and frivolously as if it were limitless just because it isn't. Spend it guiltlessly on yourself knowing that every moment you give to yourself increases the value of the ones you give to others. It has taken time for me to get a grip on what is going on inside of me and even more time to be there for others while they grasped what was going on inside of them. Time has brought the painful understanding that people and things pass and there is nothing we can do to slow it down, stop it or turn it back to what it was before. Filling time with life instead of wishing there was more time for life is how I'm living right now.

Be safe.