Forget Death and Taxes: An Updated List of Indignities and Affronts that Modern Life is Guaranteed to Bring You

Once upon a time, the only things you could really count on in life were death and taxes. But I think it's safe to say that a whole lot of other things have made their way onto that no longer quite so brief list. For instance:

1. Every time it rains or snows and you're on a major highway, there will be idiots who veer in and out of lanes around you at 70 mph or faster while driving as though it is a perfectly nice, sunny day with clear skies.

2. There will always be someone in your office who cannot master the simple task of making popcorn in the microwave, filling your work space with that awful, burnt popcorn smell that always lasts for what seems like at least three days.

3. You can arrive at the movies at literally the exact moment the show is scheduled to start and still have to sit through a dozen coming attractions and, even worse, commercials. And there will always be someone who has to answer their cell phone during the movie, even though they always make that announcement about silencing your cell phones before the movie starts.

4. Your spouse won't ask you to do anything around the house until the moment you sit down to read the newspaper.

5. The cat will decide to use the litter box about two minutes after you finish cleaning and changing it.

6. The truly best and most qualified people will never become president of the United States because of what politics has become.

7. There will always be $20 million somewhere in the world to make another James Bond movie.

8. The people who wear thongs and revealing swimwear at the beach will always include those who have no business doing so.

9. As text messaging and the techno-toys by which we can get in touch with one another continue to proliferate, people will become increasingly obsessed with their gadgets at the expense of having real relationships with others.

10. The gap between rich and poor will only get wider.

11. Gas will never be cheap again.

12. The dry cleaner will lose an article of your clothing at least once.

13. The supermarket checkout line that moves the slowest will always be the one you're standing in.

14. Same for toll booths on the freeway.

15. Someday, TV will be nothing but infomercials and reality shows.