Forgiveness: Letting Go

Forgiveness. Such a lovely and yes-noble ideal. To forgive those that have hurt us seems at times an almost impossible task. And, often it is. Why? Because we haven't yet learned to forgive ourselves. Some of you might be asking, what do I have to forgive in myself? I didn't do it. That's missing the point of the entire concept.

We, as human and fallible beings often do things we're not proud of, or carry unnecessary guilts for things that happened long ago. These guilts weigh us down like a sack of stones slung across our psyche, and must be shed before we can move towards the concept of forgiving others. Ask yourself this. If you can't find it within yourself to forgive your own shortcomings and errors, how on earth can you expect to truly forgive, letting go of anger and hate? A very helpful exercise in letting go of past guilts and forgiving your own fallabilities is to write a list. On one side list those things you find positive about yourself.

On the other, list the things you've done, the guilts and the things you perceive as negatives in your character. then weigh your list. Too many positives often means you're not being honest with yourself, as are too many negatives. Now the hard work begins in your journey towards growing into a fully realized human being. The past is dead and unless YOU choose to change that, and place it properly in the psychic dead letter file, it will be your constant companion and burden all your days. It will impact every single thing you do whether you realize it or not.

Rid yourself of it by whatever means you can. Realize we are none of us perfect, nor are we without error. If you have hurt someone badly, and have a way to make amends, do it. Write a letter and apologize, then let it go. Many hurt children carry a huge psychic burden of pain, anger, hate and guilt. If you can't work your way to forgiving those who have hurt you, and ultimately yourself, get professional help. It works, given the motivation to really try and let it go. Belief in a power greater than ones own puny ego helps enormously. For those things that you've done that cannot be amended by letter, calling or simply face to face apologies, due to death or inability to locate them, ask God to forgive you, and let it go.

This becomes easier the more you use it, and soon, you find yourself unwilling to wait to say I'm sorry, or even better I forgive you. When you reach this stage in your journey, life becomes a more joyous experience, and most days you walk without being burdened by self guilt and hate. As we walked my husband David through his final days, we shed the old burdens of resentments, misunderstandings and guilts. This was an enormously liberating experience, and left us free to love him freely and totally. Not out of guilt and sorrow, but simply out of love.

This was the biggest and most important life lesson my boys and I learned. It is better to forgive, let go of the hurt and pain, so you are finally free to love another person just because he or she is a child of the universe, unique and valued for being simply the person they are. Don't put off the chance to forgive, to shatter the chains of hate and dissension one more minute. Life isn't promised, and you never know when I forgive you comes too late.