Four Chambers of a Broken Heart

In those wakeful nights,
When a soul wanderer,
Has no one to call,
Not even sleep.
I wander through the chambers,
Of my broken heart,
Memories to stagnate a life.
Open doors,
That should have been,
Long since barred.
A cascade of pain,
Brought to the lips,
To torment the body,
By a name,
Those four whom I
Have let see my shame.

The First Chamber,
Is a garden,
Frightfully beautiful,
In its remembering.
That first sweet kiss,
A memory yet to be replaced.
Here, I learned what love,
Smells like.
An afternoon outside time,
Along the river,
My soul to be there again,
To see the sunlight through,
Your curls.
To have those long,
Evening talks,
In place where I was,
Not supposed to be.
All this engraved on my heart,
Yet nothing to you,
As I was set aside for TV,
And for another met,
Upon the summer.

The Second Chamber,
Is a fire, banked.
I see the phoenix,
In my mind's eye,
The ashes are real,
Why have you not risen?
Did you give that chance,
Away to me?
When you gave me yet life,
To live.
Did you know my heart,
Beat for you,
That I breathed,
For our discussions,
And I carry,
Your words with me still?
I have always looked back,
To that banked fire,
Those still ashes,
And wished I could have been,
Your resurrection.
For then perhaps,
This heart would yet be whole,
Nor would I have,
Wandered so far from home.

The Third Chamber,
Is one for the Fall.
My favorite season,
Where Autumn's child,
Runs free.
May the Goddess bless you,
With all the happiness,
We deserved.
You had all my dreams,
Pretty pictures of a life,
Which could never be.
A child's devotion,
How I have since grown,
It was a woman,
Who finally walked away,
Wondering at your weakness,
Knowing mine is to own,
This heart,
Which forever is to break,
And thinking that love,
Is strong enough to conquer all.

The Forth Chamber
Belongs to the summer meadows,
It is the first yet last place I go,
The pain is still wet here,
The sorrow that much stronger.
Myself and five years lost,
Hope was annihilated,
By warm blue eyes,
That turned to frost.
And the willingness to do anything,
For that smile and that touch,
That lit up my world.
For what I would have,
Wrestled Death,
You gave away,
You simply walked,
Out the door,
Leaving a debt,
You can never repay,
I will never be whole again.

These Ghosts are my companions,
The only ones,
With whom I share my rooms,
Some Souls,
Are meant to be denied,
The happiness given so freely,
To others.
Love, loss, loneliness and learning,
The currencies of my life,
From what is there to gain,
Except the scars behind my eyes,
And the knowledge,
I must always stand alone.