Free Paris Hilton

The shameful arrest of Paris Hilton is a travesty of justice unparalleled in American history. Paris Hilton's arrest is an indictment of everything that's wrong in our justice system. I mean, if you can treat Paris Hilton like a common criminal, who can't be treated like a common criminal? It's a sad day in America when fame and fortune can't buy your way out jail. What that says about the American justice system should be a warning to everyone in the upper tax brackets - the gauntlet's been thrown down. The rules of the game have been changed. And the only solution is to FREE PARIS HILTON!

Why Paris Hilton Should Be Set Free

In an historic interview with Barbara Walters, Paris Hilton explains what life is like behind bars. Displaying her characteristic intelligence and wit, Hilton explained that being in jail is like "being in a cage." Paris Hilton in a cage. I can only hope the judge is satisfied.

"It's hard to imagine that someone as beautiful, attractive and rich as Paris Hilton would be reduced to living in such conditions for doing something as trivial as breaking the law," says an inside source made up for this article. "I can only hope this serves as a warning to all beautiful, young, heiresses everywhere because if it can happen to Paris, it can happen to you."

Doing hard time for 36 hours can change a person more than you realize. You start to become institutionalized. "She feels like that Morgan Freeman character in Shawshank," according to another fictional source, "Once you've been in jail for as long as Paris has, it becomes a part of you. She may never be the same"

Indeed, Paris seems to have changed. According to the Barbara Walter's interview Paris has been reading these things called books as well as newspapers and The Bible. Paris has found God in jail, according to the interview and God didn't like what he saw in Paris.

"I've become much more spiritual," Hilton stated. "God has given me this new chance."

Paris lit a cigarette, one of the few drugs she's allowed in jail, and indicated that when she's done serving time she wants to help in the field of breast cancer or Multiple Sclerosis. She also indicated that she wants to get toy companies to pay for a "Paris Hilton Playhouse" for sick children. According to our made-up source the Paris Hilton Playhouse will be "like the Ronald McDonald house only with way better food."

Does any of this sound like the actions of a hardened criminal? Of course not. That's why we should FREE PARIS HILTON!

"Consider the economic impact involved with Paris Hilton's arrest." a fictional economist states. "Newswires and papers everywhere are now forced to scramble to find actual news stories to fill up the pages they'd reserved for Paris Hilton. Now that she's behind bars, what will they cover? The war in Iraq? Global warming?"

Besides the devastating economic impact, there's the children.

"By arresting Paris Hilton, what kind of message are we sending to the millions of girls who look up to Paris as a role model?" says someone close to Paris, France. "What are we supposed to tell our young people? That being beautiful and rich DOESN'T make you above the law?"

One such fan broke down in tears when she heard that Paris was sent back to jail even though she was diagnosed with an undisclosed illness. "I thought all I'd have to do to get out of something is fake being sick. It worked in the third grade. Now I just don't know anymore."

As you can see, we must FREE PARIS HILTON! It's not just for the environment, or for the economy, it's for the children.

If you'd like to FREE PARIS HILTON, indicate your desire to do so in the comments section below.

Thank You and God Bless.

Source: Boston Herald