Freebirth Reflections: How Unassisted Childbirth Impacted My Life

It has been almost six months since my second son was born at home in our bed, caught by his father's loving hands before being passed into my own arms. I feel obligated as a proponent of unassisted childbirth to write about the impact freebirth has had on our lives. The birth of our son has been met mostly with positive reactions, and it has had a positive influence on our relationship as a family. My perspective has been forever changed by my son's simple, natural birth.

I healed very quickly from childbirth. I bled about half as much postpartum as with my first son, who was born in a hospital. With my oldest, I had second degree tearing and needed stitches. Being completely in charge of the birth the second time around, I sustained only tiny first degree lacerations. Besides the lingering baby weight, I was back to my old self in no time.

People have responded with fear and delight to our birth story, but always with surprise and questions. Upon telling a nurse that my husband "delivered" the baby, she asked snottily "WELL, what are his qualifications?" The ob/gyn who saw me just after my son's birth was rude enough believing I had a midwife that I opted not to even mention that it was a freebirth. The pediatricians at our clinic, although initially surprised and somewhat confused, were very accepting of our choice. They didn't give me any beef about it at all. The ER personnel we encountered the first and only time my son has been sick seemed confused, but indifferent, a reaction shared by the workers at the vital records office.

Getting a birth certificate was little fun. I had to clarify that my son was born at home without a midwife or prenatal care, when they told me proof of medical care was what they asked for as proof of pregnancy and birth. "Babies will come out without a midwife or prenatal care." My husband and I had to come in together with our newborn, a copy of his medical records, and two notarized affidavits from witnesses to my pregnancy. There were just two forms, one of which had to be redone due to my sloppy handwriting. Three weeks later, I was notified that they had forgotten our paperwork in a pile but were processing it immediately. After correcting a misspelling of his name, we finally received his birth certificate. His social security card followed a few weeks later.

I can't claim that freebirth has had an impact on my son's personality, because I don't know. He's as happy, easygoing, and social as our older son has always been. I do believe, though, that witnessing his brother's birth is one of the reasons why our sons are already so close. Our toddler has never shown jealousy, anger, or resentment towards his baby brother. He loves to play with him, make him laugh, and stroke his head, and he tries to help me care for him anyway he can. After the birth he began nurturing stuffed animals as we do the baby. When our toddler is in the room, our baby only has eyes for him. He watches him constantly, giggling at silly things his big brother does and brightening at all brotherly attention.

I am certain it has impacted my husband, though only he could tell you exactly how. He has expressed to me that catching his own baby, being the first to touch him, makes him feel more deeply bonded with him. It also seems to have strengthened his confidence in himself as a father and husband. Perhaps it put him deeper in touch with his paternal instincts. He views birth differently now, less like a medical emergency and more like a simple, normal, natural life event. The man who was once hesitant about having a homebirth now recommends homebirth, even freebirth, to all. His military colleagues think it's extraordinary that he "delivered" his son, though we've tried to explain to them that it's as simple as playing catch! One thing I know for certain is that it has brought my husband and me closer together. It is a testament that together we can do anything.

As for me, I am forever changed. I remember feeling invincible for weeks after the birth, euphoric, like super woman. I felt like I could do anything. I still look back and think, "God, I can't believe I really did that!" It was truly an amazing experience. It put me more in touch with myself, with nature, and with my instincts. It certainly made me feel more confident as a parent, to have taken complete responsibility for my son from the moment of his conception. The bond I have with him is as strong as the one I have with my older son, and yet different because of what we experienced together. I am in awe of my body, of birth, of life, and of the world, my respect and faith in each stronger. My house has a whole new history now, and each night I feel a new sense of safety and belonging as I fall asleep in the bed where my son was born.