Friend or Foe? Weight Loss with Our Alli

I've been dieting since the dawn of time, or at least since little Billy Shoemaker made fun of me in the third grade by degrading and calling me "Fatnando." The trauma of having the entire "rover-red-rover" circle of kids at recess point and snicker at my rotund body made me aware of two things: Billy must die and I must discard a few pounds.

In the eighties, when I was in the third grade, having a sleek trim body wasn't mandatory by society's standards. Back then, being over-weight, hefty, or chubby was a trait you just accepted as you inhaled yet another fruit roll-up covered in chocolate syrup while shopping for your pants in the "husky" department at Montgomery Wards.

Now, the American market has been introduced to Alli (through sentimental commercials and minimalist ads in magazines), the only FDA approved over-the-counter weight loss product that claims if you commit to a reduced calorie and low fat diet, it can actually boost your weight loss by 50%. Can't they understand that if I could commit to such a plan, I wouldn't need to buy their product? But, being the weight loss enthusiast that I am, I dropped my chocolate pudding, hopped in my Blue GEO, and sped right over to Wal-Mart to buy a bottle of hope for only $53.97.

While standing in line, with my Alli in my chubby little hands, I read the box's back panel. I must admit that one of my character flaws is that I tend to jump into projects, plans, and diet fads without properly researching the complete program. I won't enlighten you on my three-week cabbage and prune juice diet program I experienced last year. But being a 32 year-old male with some common sense, I read the entire Alli program before committing to the plan.

My eyes were immediately drawn to the bold print section of the reading material titled: 'TREATMENT EFFECTS.' I haven't heard of this phrase before, "how lovely it sounds, and it looks so pretty in writing." Evaluating Alli's 'treatment effects' I discovered that if I chose to swallow these tiny blue gel-capped pills, I might experience: loose or more frequent stools that may be hard to control, an urgent need to go to the bathroom or gas with an oily discharge. It also warns that bowels may also change if I eat too much fat. "I might as well waddle over to the adult diaper area in aisle eight and buy a few packages of Depends," I thought, as I had a few parties to attend in the near future and I was not about to skip out on the seven-layered Mexican-Fiesta cheese dip.

Being the skeptic that I am, I made the purchase but thought, "oily gas and/or uncontrollable bowel movements won't happen to me," I'm better than the average lab rats who were tested for this product. I'll admit that I felt a bit of a rush as I decided to challenge the manufactures of Alli along with their 'treatment effects.'

I've been taking Alli for one month now and I have lost over ten pounds, not to mention six pairs of underwear. Let's just say, the "treatment effects" were not a tall tale. I did change my eating habits due to 'treatment effects,' which in turn, resulted in rapid weight loss. Maybe they did create the magic pill after all. Alli claims, "if you have the will, we have the power," could they be right?