Friend or Parent?

I have often heard that raising teenagers is like dealing with the "Terrible Twos on Steroids".I would call that an apt description, as it is a very trying time in the years of child rearing. Some parents are lucky enough to never have to deal with any problems during the teen years, but I would wager to say that most parents deal with some sort of issue during these years.

Teenagers are a swirling mass of discontent. Nothing makes them happy and they are continuously critical. At least, they are when it comes to their relationships with their parents. Do they love their parents? Most likely, but that fine line is often a battlefield

I am currently feeling the full barreled effect of teenage helldom at this time in my life. I have already raised two boys to adulthood, and am presently raising an almost-15 year old daughter. I love her with every fiber of my being, but it is a very trying time. Maybe even a little more so than with my boys, as girls can be quite emotional and dramatic when things are not going their way.

As her birthday is rapidly approaching, she presented me and my husband with her idea of the perfect birthday gift. She wanted to get her nose pierced. Currently a high school sophomore, she feels she has grown up enough to know what she wants and she wishes to get a piercing in her nose, and then a piercing in her navel. Her friends are doing this, and she wants to follow suit.

My reaction was not what she wanted to hear. Her request was not greeted with a smile or any sign of enthusiasm. I gave her a flat out "NO". My answer was followed with tears and a great deal of whining, followed by pleading, and then, a few profane curses. I said what most parents would say in that situation, which was "when you are 18, if you can pay for it yourself and you still wish to do so, then you can have it done. Until then, my answer is no."

Overall, I guess we are probably not the coolest parents in her eyes. She has many friends whose parents go the "friendship" route. Her friends' parents buy them whatever they want and take them wherever they want at all hours in an effort to be friends with them. They want their children happy and feel trying to be a buddy with them will make things easier.

I have told my daughter countless times that I am here to be her mother, not her friend. She usually will roll her eyes at this statement and follow it with something similar to "well I wouldn't want to be your friend because you would be a lousy friend". Such a clever child she is.

Sometimes I still wonder if I am doing the right thing. Do the parents who befriend their children have better relationships in the long run? Do they run into more serious issues as they get into the older teen years? Is respect completely missing from the relationship?

Her standpoint is that with her birthday rapidly approaching, it is our job to give her what she wants, that we should make every effort to make her happy. Of course I want my daughter happy. No decent parent would say they don't want their children to be happy. But is it right to tie happiness to material things and whims, such as a nose piercing that she may regret after it's done.

I do miss that little girl with the ready smile and hugs. The little girl that loved mom and dad more than anything and would tell us how she was going to buy a house at the end of the street to be near us when she grew up. We of course knew she would feel differently as she got older, and thought it was quite cute at the time. But I still feel slightly sad when I hear her tirades as she tries to sort out this hormonal mess called growing up. I know the loving daughter I gave birth to is in there somewhere.

Hopefully when she is an adult, and has children of her own, she will realize what we are doing right now is the right thing.

Maybe we are old fashioned in our viewpoints about what we want for her, but we love her and want her to understand that happiness is not found in body piercing, elaborate birthday parties and parents that taxi cab them from here to there at any whim.

It's about loving and respecting your family, your parents, and most of all, yourself.