Friends Forever? Some Are Keepers, While Others Are Best Left Behind

Growing up, we're programmed to believe that in order to be well-liked and popular, we need to have as many friends as possible. The more people that know us, the better. I used to think that I was so cool because I had so many friends and acquaintances. I remember in high school I would pass the time by writing the name of every single person I knew on the pages of my college-ruled binder paper. I felt powerful by how many "friends" I had. However, once I got to college I began to feel differently.

It's not as easy, for one thing, to make friends when you're older. Everyone's life is much more complex, and most people don't have time to fit new friends into their busy schedules! When we're young, our needs are simpler. We want a companion to play with. That's why everyone is best friends with every other kid in their first grade class - they don't require much from one another, therefore everyone is content. As we get older, we begin to want more. We have certain expectations, and don't want to be friends with everyone anymore. We have certain interests, and prefer to be friends with those that share those interests with us. This leads to the development of cliques.

Time is most certainly a true test of friendship. I've been through my fair share of short-term friendships with people. Generally, a year is the turning point for friendships. A year is a good amount of time to get to know someone on a deeper level, and usually friends experience their first argument within the first three to five months of friendship. If a person can't handle arguing and bails out, that's a surefire way to tell that person would not make a good friend down the road.

I've become more specific with what I want from a friend, and I realized it's not about how many friends I have anymore; rather, it's about the quality and caliber of the friends that I choose to keep. In the past two years, I "filtered" through my group of friends to see who was worth remaining friends with and who wasn't. It was a great learning lesson for me. I consider myself to be a pretty darned good friend, and there is nothing wrong with expecting to receive the same amount that I give in a friendship.

I like positive people who contribute to the atmosphere in a good way. I know we all have bad days, but I can't handle people who are constantly complaining about every single aspect of their life. These people are truly unhappy with themselves, and complaining is the only way they feel that they can compensate for their life. I don't like jealous or selfish people. I tend to be giving towards those I care about, and I like to know that a friend will do the same for me. If I'm short five dollars, a real friend will gladly lend it to me and trust that I will pay them back. A real friend is willing to be there for me in a time of need. And a real friend will not say malicious things behind my back. I can count on them to stick up for me, or at least provide me with support.

Everyone has their own definition of what a good friend is. I've given you a partial description. I know it sounds like I expect a lot, but I just want good people in my life. They don't have to be perfect, but I honestly think that the traits I listed above should be expected of any decent friend. I mean, does anyone really want to be friends with a selfish person who talks behind other people's backs all the time and refuses to be there for them in a time of need? I don't think so!

A lot of people try to make excuses for their friends. "She couldn't be there for me because she was busy with other things in her life," is one way some people try to justify their friend's behavior. Enough with the excuses already! A real friend is there for you no matter what. I don't care if I'm planning my wedding, I will still take half an hour from my day to offer advice or counsel to a friend who is going through a tough time.

Another important thing I've learned? If a person doesn't put the effort into the friendship, it's not worth it. Friendship is a 50/50 deal. Both people should treasure the friendship and want to maintain it. If one party doesn't care, it's not a solid friendship. I don't have as many friends as I did when I was younger, but it's okay with me, because I know that the small handful of friends I have now is one of the best I could ever ask for.