Friendship's Toil

I've recently been making amends with a friend after an unfortunate falling out, which stemmed from misunderstanding, a lack of communication and pride. It was pride which kept me from reaching out sooner and I felt uglier as each day passed - held prisoner by arrogance. To reach out would be to admit to wrongdoing and it would be easier to point fingers, but what would that accomplish aside from putting someone else on the defensive and contributing to an endless back and forth banter of who's right and who's wrong?

It isn't easy to admit that I've been wrong, but I have been and I deeply regret the divisiveness, but through it all I have hope, not because I am deserving of second chances, but because friction and misunderstanding are normal occurrences in any relationship and to truly have a great relationship with anyone, people have to experience the bad with the good to know what they're made of; a test of sorts to see if people are able to practice what they preach.

I remember a quote I once read that stated, "A simple friend thinks the friendship over when you have an argument. A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight."

I don't like fights, nor the pain and anger involved, but I've come to realize that life is messy and people are too and as sure as people are imperfect, so am I, which is why I am never one to hold a grudge. If someone can forgive me, I must be willing to do the same because trials in relationships are, unfortunately, common, as are the people who will fall below our expectations when they disappoint us. People have certainly let me down, but I have also been a disappointment to others so is one superior to the other?

It would be easy to sit on my high horse and look down on a friend but am I so perfect that I would have that right?
In fact, I don't feel I have any 'rights' at all. I just want to be loved (and forgiven as well).

For all toil, relationships are the most challenging and few stand the test of time, which reminds me of the North and South miniseries. I first fell in love with this story in 1985 when I was 12-years-old. Although the story is fiction I've always been deeply touched by the incredible bond, unconditional love and genuine friendship between Orry Main (slave owner from South Carolina) and George Hazard (Iron Works Owner from PA, who is against Slavery). Their friendship withstood the hardships of two wars and lifestyle differences between the North and South. George and Orry's friendship was magnificent on so many levels because of the complexity and rarity involved.

Could my friendships endure the most challenging of events? Sadly, many haven't, but I will make it a goal in life to rectify any transgressions that I've been party to.

The word friend is not something I take lightly and should one of my friendships stagnate or end up in flames, I won't go so far as to say they were never friends to begin with because should someone reach in and touch my heart, they were a friend, no matter how long the season lasted.

In closing, I find these words by Alan Loy McGinnis helpful and reassuring:
Sometimes it is in the nature of intense relationships to create conflict. When one compares Thomas Jefferson's gravely formal and almost lifelong correspondence with James Madison (with whom he never quarreled) with his sparkling, sometimes contentious letters to John Adams, it is apparent that he loved Adams far more than Madison. And yet that famous friendship was interrupted by 11 years of bitter silence. Both were unhappy to be estranged, but the thaw occurred very slowly. When they resumed correspondence many warm exchanges occurred between them, some the most affectionate letters Jefferson ever wrote.