From a Back of the House Perspective (Chris' 'Fake Voice In His Head' Appears in Quotes)

The very first time I stepped into the 561 Restaurant, I had just begun culinary school as this was my eighth day there. Don't go!

"But Chris H, why? I consider that particular restaurant to be fine dining."

Why? Because of the high prices? Or could it be the stupid ties worn by the unpaid students. If food quality was the most important aspect of fine dining, like it should be, than this place would not be considered to even be fine dining.

"But Chris H, they give you a new fork after each course."

How do you know that its new? Fact is, it has been used several times before, usually by the elderly and obese.

"But they have been washed and sanitized."

The dirty ones do always go into a huge sanitizing bucket right after use, but that bucket often resembles some type of soup after several minutes. If you absolutely need to go to this restaurant, than I would suggest you take your own utensils.

"And food?"

Yes.

"Maybe this is just your problem, you won't even touch the doorknob to your own house."

Apartment. I will never, ever stick any of the used utensils in my mouth at that little restaurant ever again. If I got a free meal from that place and I had nothing at home to eat, I still wouldn't go.

If you are in the mood for something good that is worth eating, I recommend Tombstone Pizza, which can be appropriately found in the frozen pizza section at your local super market. You could probably spend as much money for an entree at the 561 bistro as you would for four of these frozen masterpieces. God bless frozen pizza.

"I thought you were an atheist. You are not supposed to refer to God like that."

Than how should I?

"Not at all, and by the way, the 561 restaurant makes the food for you, while the Tombstone takes time to cook. What if I just don't feel like cooking?"

You'll spend way more time waiting for a entree at the 561 bistro than you would unwrapping a pizza, puttting it in the oven, and waiting for the edges to turn golden brown while the cheese is melting. The pizza is a much greater value and just eating that thing in your own kitchen is a better experience than eating at the 561. Trust me. I've been there, as a guset, a cook, and a runner in the front of the house.

"I think you are just bitter because while others got free meals, you litterally were starving your ass off with all that walking, both on and off the job."

Had I eaten there, I would probably have gained a few unnatractive pounds as the food there is grossly unhealthful and bad for your soul. I am very proud of my low amount of body fat and hope to decrease the level of fat that makes it on to my pulchritudinous body.