From the Charnel House to the Art House

"All right," said Bucky. "Most creative serial killer in the history of film. What's your choice?"

"That's a tough one," said Jack, leaning back in his easy chair. "Are we including supernatural killers? I mean, is Michael Meyers going to be competing with Freddy Krueger here, or are we talking about a fair fight - the realistic against the realistic?"

"Meyers is realistic?" said Bucky, moving to the bar to mix himself a drink. "I thought he was an unstoppable killing machine."

"He's more realistic than Freddy. At least, for the first movie."

"He drags a tombstone into an upstairs bedroom."

"Yes, but everything he does he does in the real world. He doesn't invade dreams the way Freddy does."

"Then where would Jason Voorhes fit?" said Jack. "He mainly just kills people with conventional weapons, but the guy's been to Hell and back."

"Those films aren't canon," said Bucky.

"What do you mean they're not canon?"

"Only the first eight Jason films are canon - the ones that are actually called Friday the 13th. As soon as you get to Jason Goes to Hell and Freddy Vs. Jason, you've crossed out of canon. It might as well be fan fiction."

"What about Jason X?"

"Don't make me laugh," said Bucky, twisting in his chair to throw a disapproving glance at Bucky. "Jason X was a joke from start to finish. It was never intended to be taken seriously as an idea. Come on, Jason in space?"

"That's one of my favorites in the series."

"That's truly sad," said Bucky, snorting and turning back to stare at the entertainment system on the wall.

"All right," said Jack. "Original question, then. Who is the most creative serial killer in film?"

"We're including supernatural killers?"

"I really think we have to."

"Then I'm going to have to go with Freddy," said Bucky. "The guy's only limited by dreams - he delivers some of the most original deaths ever filmed as a result. Who's your choice?"

"Angela, from the Sleepaway Camp series."

"Never seen it," said Bucky.

"You've never seen Sleepaway Camp? None of them?"

"No."

"But you'd love it. One of the few actually realistic killers in slasher history. Almost no suggestion that she's anything other than human, and some of the sickest murders ever filmed. It features death by lawnmower, for God's sake."

"If we're going to include movies nobody's ever heard of, then what's the point of playing?" said Bucky.

Jack stared at the back of Bucky's head, slowly walking to stand just a few feet behind the chair.

"I don't see why the movie isn't any good just because you're a lowbrow philistine," said Jack. "Sleepaway Camp is arguably one of the best franchises ever filmed, and the fact that it isn't more well known reflects less on the quality of the films than it does on the audiences who ignored it."

"Whatever," said Bucky. "So tell me, what's the single most shocking death sequence you've seen in a slasher flick."

Jack considered the question, studying the back of Bucky's head. His hand reached for something under a towel on the counter.

"Have you ever seen American Psycho?" Jack said.

"Isn't that an arthouse flick more than it's a slasher film?" said Bucky.

"Slasher flicks are arthouse films, when you think about it," said Jack. "They're movies made without compromise. Films made by creators who cared more about their individual visions than they cared about corporate greed. At least, through the seventies and on into the eighties that's true. Nightmare on Elm Street is very clearly Wes Craven's movie, as is Last House on the Left. These are films that for all their violent and sexual content were made in the form that the filmmakers originally had in mind."

"Don't give me that crap," said Bucky. "Come on. They're fun. They're entertaining. Every now and then you get to see some nice boobs in them. But they're not art, and they're not anything more than disposable entertainment."

"One of the brilliant things about the first half of American Psycho is the way that it blends the personality of the psychopath into the go-go business world. There's this one scene that involves the killer talking to a man in his apartment about the artistic value of Huey Lewis and the News."

"Yeah?" said Bucky. "I haven't seen that one. How does it end?"