From a Child to a Parent

Children can be complicated as are teens but we've all been there. I'm only 18 but I know what pressure can do to a person. Rules and restrictions apply but when is it too much? Getting children to listen can be difficult but most people don't understand that they are going at it the wrong way. Parents need to take the time out and listen to their children when they have something to say because yelling over them will only make them more mad and a one sided story is not the full story. I've seen it happen many times.

When my best friend was younger her mother never let her go over to her friends houses. Her friends were allowed over her house but not for very long. She could hardly ever have sleepovers because her parents didn't trust her. She never gave them one reason before they began "holding her down" to not trust her. These restrictions only made her mad and want to do whatever she wanted. She was a freshman in high school when her parents started to hold her down more. She was never allowed to do anything and was never trusted by her family. Finally she got mad enough to finally start rebelling against her parents. It made her mad that they didn't trust her.

She was then diagnosed with depression because her family put so much pressure on her. She eventually gave up on trying to please them and began to live for herself. Over time it ruined her. She began sneaking out of her house and doing things she was never allowed to do. Even when she turned 18 they still tried forcing her to do certain things. They told her all her friends, including me, were crap and we didn't care about her. Truth is we did. We knew her better then her own mother did. We took care of her. But overall what I'm trying to say is that if you have a child let them learn for themselves. I'm not trying to tell you that rules and restrictions should not be applied I'm just saying that at least have the decency to listen to your child and not restrict them too much. Don't over burden your child with stress because they already have enough problems as it is. We have all been there and know that childhood is not the easiest to get through. Don't bother your child too much about whats going on with their lives. If they want to tell you then they will but leaving your child alone will only help the situation. Ask once if they need anything but don't keep bothering them because trying to get stuff out of them will only make them more furious. Always trust your child until they give you a reason to not. Even if they give you a reason to not trust them listen to what they have to say and see if they learned their lesson. If you give your child space they will learn quicker. I've noticed that I learn my lessons on my own not when someone is down my throat yelling at me and putting me down. Your child will know they did something wrong and will understand that.

The younger the child the more restrictions need to be enforced. I've seen many people with children who give them everything they want. That is a no no. Your child will grow up feeling like they deserve the best. I find it somewhat ridiculous that parents cater to every one of their child's needs. Children need to learn for themselves like I have previously stated. If a child falls down, waits a minute and begins to cry, a parent shouldn't always run to their child they should slowly began to let them figure out that they don't need to cry over everything. Psychology has a big part in a child's development. If you do something repeatedly over time it will have controlled reactions over time. For example, when a dog is young they usually don't know better so some people will have them trained. A dog clearly has a brain so why do people think that training your dog in a short amount of time will change their dogs behavior. Say your going to feed your dog, before you put the food down, ring a bell twice and then put the food down. If you did this for a while over time the dog would know that once the bell was rung food was being served.

This controlled reaction can be applied to anyone. When a child is young they don't usually know better. Doing small things can really help a child's development . For example if you have a toddler you know that sometimes they like to hit people. There are ways to help stop your child from doing that. I know most parents chose to punish their child differently but doing such things like yelling at them, hitting them don't help. An aggressive tone of voice could make the situation worse. I suggest that you use the same punishment every time because it will show them all the bad things they do lead to the same punishment. But on another note yelling at them and especially laying your hand on your child can be very damaging. Yelling at them will only make them fear you and grow angry towards you. They will most likely do it more if you yell at them. Telling them no nicely no matter how matter you are makes a huge difference. It will show them that you love them no matter what but they must understand they did something wrong. Laying your hand on your child will make your child more and more angry and that is certainly not a good example. It's illegal.

Another thing I have to say is forcing your children to do things they don't want to do is bad news. I mean there are certain things you have to force children to do, like brush their teeth, go to the doctors, obey your rules, etc. But what I mean is if your son or daughter played a sport for a couple years and then they decide they didn't want to do it anymore, don't force them to do it. It's their lives, they should be able to make their own decisions when it comes to that. Other things could be like dropping classes because they don't like it and would rather take a class their more interested in. That might make their parents mad if their parents are expecting them to get into a good school. School is school whether you pay $5,000 or 45,000 a year. Let them choose the road they want to take in life but if it goes to far and it comes down to their health or well being its time to step in. I just felt like parents were putting too much pressure on their children to do good but pushing your children will ruin them. I've seen it and there's nothing worse then a family that is completely miserable.