From the Heart of the Martha Stewart Stay-at-Home Mom Type

Rumor has it that many moms are jealous of the Martha-Stewart Stay-at-Home Mom Type. I wouldn't know, because I happen to be that type, and so I haven't experienced those feelings personally. But from what I read in magazines and from what I see on the faces of some moms I'm acquainted with when they come to my home, I guess it's true. So I thought I would say a few things to ease the discomfort of moms who aren't this type. Namely, moms of my type have our own jealousies of moms of your type.

I worry often that my perfect house and home-cooked-from-scratch dinners are indication (or other people take it as such) that I neglect my children more than mothers who are comfortable doing light housework on an as-needed basis and preparing something quick and easy involving a can of Campbell's Soup and a casserole dish, served up on paper plates. Both houses are sanitary, and both meals are nutritious and delicious, but my way takes considerably more time and the results are: a mere perfect house (not the most important thing in the grand scheme of things, although it keeps me sane and happy, until morning when it is messy again), and a more natural and creative source of sustenance that my two-year-old is not any more likely to eat. I tell her I can't play with her at the moment because Mommy is absorbed in spending two hours making homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast tomorrow. Although I'm going to be happy to serve such a special meal to my family in the morning, and I am thrilled to death that I've perfected the art of making out-of-this-world cinnamon rolls (see my article on "How to Make Perfect Cinnamon Rolls"), is it really more important to make something from scratch that most moms serve out of a Pillsbury can than it is to play with my all-too-quickly-growing-up little girl?

And then, I realize, I play with her all day. It's good for her to play on her own sometimes and use her own resources to occupy herself and create her own world. She'll love the cinnamon rolls in the morning and thank me for them like her sweet Daddy tells her to. I take her to the park every day and will push her on the swing for an hour because she loves it so much, without any sensation of complaint within. There is nothing wrong with the amount of time I spend making my family's home and meals and life the best I can make it be, so long as it's in balance with my other responsibilities as a wife and mother.

There are other things that make me feel inferior to moms who aren't like me. Let's face it: for all women, there will always be a friend who makes us feel fat and ugly and like we have no taste. There will always be a friend who has a more beautiful house than we do-even if it's not as clean, it's a nicer home and we're jealous. Or a better car. Or more shoes. Or a prettier nail job. Personally, I have spent the last two years trying to reason myself out of feeling inferior to moms who have been teachers and now stay at home with their toddlers and concentrate all of their creativity and understanding of children into the stimulation of their kids' spongy brains. It's hard not to feel like those moms are doing more for the development of their kids than I am, and like I'm neglecting my kid if I don't spend each day doing projects and singing songs and stimulating her brain.

Part of the reason I am able to do so much homemaking is because my daughter is so calm and agreeable. It's also because I am so passionate about domestic things and it's my joy to do them. But I know that if I had a high-energy, high-demand toddler I wouldn't have the time and physical capacity to do all around the house that I do. And as I watch moms with more demanding kids, I wonder if I have one third of the patience and understanding that they have, because I haven't had the parental challenges that they deal with every day. And I wonder how I will measure up to them if my next kid is demanding and I've been pampered by my easy kid all of my parenting career, thus far.

If I ever seem snobby about my domestic finesse, it's because I am so thankful to have something to show for myself and I'm a little aggressive to get it shown. In general, I have a giant inferiority-complex to every woman around me, and so it's a big ego boost when I think I can cook better than someone else. Also, cooking used to absolutely freak me out and it wasn't until I began staying at home with my baby and cooking every day that I finally made enough burnt or underdone meals to build the proper skills. I'm really proud that I actually feel confident about myself in the kitchen. A little snobbery is an easy overcompensation for the things that make us feel not-as-good as the woman next to us. And we all find ways to feel not-as-good as the woman next to us. It's in our nature.

And if we're really being honest as women, we'll all admit that it's difficult not to be snobby when it comes to our motherhood. We're all so proud of it. Becoming a mom redefines everything about us. Our kids are the best thing that ever happened to us, the pinnacle of our experience in life, and our constant greatest achievement. Who doesn't want the whole world to know how great that is? So yeah, we all get kind of braggy sometimes. And yeah, we all compare ourselves to those in the same beautiful boat we're in. Especially when things get rough and we feel like capsizing. And that happens to all of us in life and parenting. Just remember that the woman making you feel inferior is probably feeling inferior to you for her own reasons. So chill. Every mom has her own style and priorities. No matter which way you play it out, though, your motherhood is rich and beautiful and worth showing off and expecting some admiration for.