Fun Facts for Seniors

I enjoy late night television and marvel at the creativeness of the comedic writers. David Letterman has a segment called fun facts which is often amusing and showcases the workings of a sharp mind that thinks out of the box. Sadly, my mind at its best could not be as creative as the fun facts that Letterman reveals from time to time. But, I couldn't resist the temptation to try and be somewhat creative. Here are a few fun facts that have come from a mind that is no doubt of less than average ability, but provided a few moments of levity as I contemplated life as a senior citizen. None of the following fun facts are really true, but it seems like that might be from time to time.

On average, new carpeting lasts only 36 hours before a grandchild spills something on it.

A national survey reports that after you die, your prized trophies will be sold in a garage sale within two weeks.

The American Medical Association attributes 72% of heart attacks to Velcro tabs on shoes and sneakers.

A recent scientific study revealed that wearing glasses is the cause of forgetfulness.

Junk mail constitutes the major source of reading materials for those over 65.

Child proof medicine containers are responsible for 86% of senior suicides.

Cats receive more Valentine gifts than dogs.

Rulers made in China are only 11 inches long.

Dollar stores pay an average of 32 cents for every item they sell.

Computer repair services charge seniors 15% more than others. They refer to it as the TDKS charge. (they don't know squat) If you bring a teenage grandchild with you, the charge is 10% less than the average.

Podiatrists report that toes have a growth spurt beginning when a person reaches 60.

Hormonal studies indicate that hair follicles refuse to reproduce on heads and begin a steady migration to ears for men and upper lips for women beginning at age 50.

New manufacturing processes have caused belts over 3 years old to have a shrinkage factor of 2 inches.