Fun and Games with ADHD and Aspberger's Syndrome

Three years ago I married an amazing guy, Sam. Sam is a widower with four sons who, at the time of our marriage, were 5, 8, 11 and 14. Currently they are 9, 12, 14 and 17. (Two just had birthdays and two have birthdays upcoming, so thus the strangeness in age differences.) One of our sons lives with his dead mother's parents. The three younger boys live with Sam and I.

Sean, Ian and Evan all have pretty severe ADHD. And not one of them is medicated for it. They were, until we stopped getting medicaid for them because we didn't want the government interfering and telling us we had to give our kids amphetamines. This is also a primary reason we homeschool the boys. Well, that, and they're several grade levels ahead of age-group, and were bored stiff. And then there's the Asperger's Syndrome.

Ian and Sean both have Aspberger's Syndrome. Aspberger's is extremely high functioning autism. It's most easily marked by obsessive interests. In Ian's case it's electronics and programming - the kid programs on PAPER! In Sean's case it's Legend of Zelda - and has been since he was six years old, as well as reading the encyclopedia for pleasure. Ask them what interests them, and they will fill your ears with esoteric knowledge and trivia on the many aspects of their interests. It can get extremely interesting, or extremely boring, depending on the day and how long they've been going on about it.

Another marker for Asperger's is an inability to read body language and facial expressions, or follow abstract communication. This can result in some really unusual situations, and I learned pretty quick to say exactly what I meant and leave no room for variant interpretation.

Evan does not have Asperger's, but because he has lived with his brothers for his entire life, he sometimes shows the occasional Aspie-like trait.

Needless to say, between the ADHD and the Aspie's, there's rarely a dull moment around here.

One thing with kids with severe ADHD is that there seems to often be a lack of good judgement. Genius level IQ kids, which all of these boys are, have trouble retaining what they learn from past mistakes. Mix that in with the Aspberger's and the difficulty dealing with abstracts, and it gets chaotic. Here's an example:

A neighbor gave the boys a toddler size Little Tykes wagon to bring the garbage up the road to the dumpster in. It was clearly too small for these huge young men to ride in, but ride in it they did although I told them at least twice a day that I expected them to stay out of the wagon, to the point that every day I heard some variant on one of these themes:

"Ian shoved the wagon over because I wouldn't get out!"
"Sean turned the wagon too fast and I fell out!"
"Evan wouldn't get out of the wagon, so Sean kicked him!"

After a few days of trying to referee these battles, I finally laid down the law.

"Nobody rides in the wagon. Ever again. You're all too big to ride in a wagon that is labeled "Little Tykes" ANYWAYS. Use it for the purpose it was given you - taking out the trash. Period. It was not given to you AS a toy, you may not USE it as a toy. If it's intention was not to be a toy, it is not a toy. Ever. Not today, not tomorrow. Not next week."

The very next day, Ian decided to use an ancient piece of plywood as a slide. Eleven splinters out of his adorable chunky butt later, I was asking him why the hell he did such a damnfool thing, considering that yesterday I told him that things that weren't meant as toys are not toys. His answer?

"But Ma, you only told us not to play with the WAGON, not EVERY non-toy!"

Oy. Veh!

Then there are the Saturdays I wake up to discover them all with their noses buried in something like my collection of Shakespeare. Quiet. Peaceful. They're like totally different kids. It makes me wonder where they got their hands on Quaaludes.

Homeschooling them is a challenge, mainly because they complete grade levels so fast. Each of them is at least three grade levels above age level at this point, in every subject, and in some subjects even higher. They write some amazing stuff, and I intend to have at least Sean sign up here at some point, probably under his sister, CandlewaxCoupon. The boy writes poems to his penis.

"My penis, my penis
It is so cute
If I could I would
Play it like a flute."

That's one stanza of a seven stanza poem, Ode to my Penis, which he wrote when he was twelve years old. Yes, really.

All in all, it's an adventure, and a joy living with these guys. Oh yeah, it can be a real headache sometimes, but I feel like I'm in the right place at the right time. Besides, I have a bunch of comedians around me. Last year, Ian walked in to my room to tell me a joke:

Ian: If Dubya was to add one word to the end of his name, what would it be?
Me: I dunno, Ian, what?
Ian: It. IT.
Me: Bush it? BWAHAHAHAHA!!

Yes, he came up with that on his own. The puns get much worse around here. It's never dull, and it's often hilarious.

And oh, do these guys give GREAT hug.