F.U.N.N.Y. Acronyms

Reading Maria Roth's article about "Common Bad Habits of Average Computer Users" reminded me of the days I did tech support for a software company. One of my co-workers joked that most of our calls involved PICNICs (Problem In Chair, Not In Computer). In a typical situation, a frantic user would insist there was a problem with our software until we walked him through the program and he admitted he had skipped a key step, like turning on the computer.

The CASE Method

At the same software company, I worked with a consultant who confided in me the secret to his success was using the CASE method (Copy And Steal Everything). I have found this business strategy to be enormously helpful, although I like to think of what I do as adapting and synthesizing best practices of people whose work I admire.

KISS

If you're picturing Jim and Pam sneaking a kiss in the break room at Dunder-Mifflin, think again. The KISS principle (Keep It Simple, Stupid) is one of the oldest and best known business acronyms. A good example of the KISS principle gone awry is cell phones. I remember the old days, five years ago, when cell phones could do only one thing: make and receive phone calls (okay, two things). When I recently bought a so-called "smart" phone, it took me days to figure out how to answer a phone call. Obviously, the phone was smarter than I was.

Of course, some businesses still adhere to the KISS principle. You'll never see In-N-Out Burger sell chicken strips or tacos. They sell burgers. Single burgers. Double burgers. Burgers with cheese. The principle seems to work well for this popular California chain-try finding a table at your local In-N-Out Burger (if you're lucky enough to have one).

Whiskey Tango

Although this acronym should really be WT, police officers use military phonetic spelling code (whiskey for W, tango for T) when referring to someone who looks or acts like "white trash."

Military people sometimes use the acronym Whiskey Tango to mean "wasting time."

OPD and other medical acronyms

Underneath their white coats doctors have a dark sense of humor, as evidenced by the acronyms they use to describe their patients to each other. A person with OPD doesn't wash his hands a lot; he has Obnoxious Personality Disorder. And a patient with LMC has a Low Marble Count (as in not very brainy).

If you're a stylish woman, just hope your doctor doesn't call you a GUCCI -- it's not a compliment. In doctor-speak, a GUCCI is a rich woman with an STD (Genito-Urinary Clinic Chlamydial Infection).

IBM and other corporate acronyms

For some reason, people love to turn company names into acronyms. A friend whose father worked for IBM while he was growing up moved as often as a military brat. He told me the letters IBM really stand for "I've Been Moved." Another friend, who owned a Mustang before Ford beefed up the quality of its cars, complained that Ford stands for "Fix or Repair Daily."

OIL and the GOP

Maybe it's just a rumor, but some people have alleged the U.S. war in Iraq dubbed "Operation Iraqi Freedom" was initially going to be called "Operation Iraqi Liberation" until some smart alphabetician realized the latter name's acronym, OIL, would reveal the true motive for the war. And speaking of George Bush and oil, some people think GOP really stands for Greedy Oil Party.