Funny Christmas Quotes & Sayings

'Tis the season to be jolly! Celebrate the spirit of the holiday with this collection of funny Christmas quotes. From quotes about Santa to quotes about Christmas morning - these holiday saying covers it all. Incorporate these funny Christmas quotes in your ecards and holiday greetings; or, simply sit back, relax and chuckle as you browse through this digest of Christmas comedy.

Gary Allan's Christmas Quote
"Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip."

Larry Wilde
"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."

Dave Barry
"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space."

George Carlin's Christmas Quote
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live"

Bernard Manning's Christmas Quote
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."

Anonymous
"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic."
"Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses"

Jay Leno
"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."

Johnny Carson's Funny Christmas Quotes
"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."
"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."

W. C. Fields
"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven."

Victor Borge's Funny Christmas Quote
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."

P.J. O'Rourke
"There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.

Emma Bombeck
"No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

William Feather
"A man of fifty looks as old as Santa Claus to a girl of twenty."

Which funny Christmas quote tops your list? Share it in the comment section below.