Funny Diet Story

Funny diet stories abound. Almost everyone can look back on a period of dieting and have a good laugh at him or herself. Here I share one of those humorous diet tales I experienced while on another of my famous weight loss adventures.

Hypnosis, Fried Fish and My Mother Diet

No matter what I was doing in life, my mother had to do it, too. If I said, I did not feel well; my mother did not feel well. If I said, I had a headache; my mother had a headache. She had a bizarre notion we had to do everything together...even experience the flu on the buddy system. When I said I needed to lose a few pounds...my mother had to shed some weight, whether she really did or not.

Quite a few years ago, I announced I was blazing yet another trail to weight loss by visiting a hypnotist, which was something new at the time in our area. Of course, my mother insisted I make an appointment for the two of us. She had a mysterious manner of talking me into things, so I booked visits for every Friday evening (until we met our weight loss goal) and three days later headed to our first meeting with the certified hypnotist.

When we got to the office of the hypnotist, my mother pointed out with excitement that her favorite fried-food restaurant was just across the street. "Don't even think about going there for fried seafood when we are here to lose weight," I scolded. My mom just laughed with that evil "oh, we'll see" cackle of which she was noted for.

The hypnotist weighed us, took some notes and showed us to a nice room with two very comfortable reclining chairs, which were about three feet apart. He explained that we would be listening to him via state-of-the-art headphones and a prerecorded 30-minute tape. While we reclined in the awesome chairs, he told us told to concentrate on the words he spoke on the tape, repeating them aloud or in our heads, whichever we were most at ease about doing.

Situated and the tape running, the hypnotist shut the lights off in the room and left. It was pitch dark, but comfortable. I listened intently to the words on the tape for the first ten minutes, but started to hear a funny sound other than the gentle words of encouragement coming through the headphones. I strained to hear over the hypnotist's words and finally lifted the headphones from one ear to figure out what the noise was. Not only was my mother sound asleep; she was snoring like nobody's business.

I knew the hypnotist could hear my mom snoring from outside the door and I had to save her from embarrassment. It was so dark I could hardly see her just three feet away and I did not want the hypnotist to hear me so I tried doing the, "Pssst, Mom," thing a few times in a hushed voice, but to no avail. In the meantime, I am missing half the hypnotic weight-loss message on the tape and feeling hungrier by the minute.

I decided to let it go and concentrated on what was left of the tape-what I could actually hear over my mother snoring that is. The tape finished and almost instantly, my mother woke up and sat up in the chair.

The hypnotist put the lights on and asked how we were feeling? I did not say that I was thoroughly disappointed and felt I had missed most of the first session because of Mom's snoring. My mother on the other hand was energetically saying how great she felt...and thin, too! Oh, brother, I thought!

As we walked out of the office, I told my mother how loud she was snoring the whole time and how I missed most of the recording because I could not concentrate with the racket in the background. I said I was frustrated with the first visit, I despised dieting and I was starving to boot. She thought it was hilarious despite my grumpiness and said it would be better the next time.

When we got out to the street, my mother was still laughing at her own self when we instantaneously got a whiff of fried clams and French fries floating from the seafood shack across the street. We looked at each other in horror and my mother said, "Well we could get haddock, it isn't as bad as fattening clams right?" I said, "It is still fried, but we could skip the onion rings!" As I led the way across the street, I also said, "Well start our diet tomorrow...promise!"