Funny Fathers Day Gifts

The internet is full of thousands of suppliers of gag gifts, including those specificially designed for or can be custom made for Father's Day. However, when the time gets too close to the date to honor Dad, and you need a gag gift immediately, you'll have to rely on your local stationery or toy shop to pick one up in time. Here are some ideas and approximate cost for that fun-loving Dad:

T-shirts are always appreciated, especially if you can buy one with a funny message on it, such as the old stand-by, "The World's Best Dad." Cost: $10.

Neckties are the traditional, and usually the most useless of all. Very few Dads would go to work wearing a tie with a nude painted on it, so if you must get him a funny tie he can actually wear, get one with a more gentle design, maybe with the words, "I expected a great Father's Day gift, and all I got was this cheap tie." Cost: $8 from stock, $25 custom message.

You DO NOT want to give Dad gifts in such bad taste that they will even offend you, such as an inflatable Mom doll, plastic doggy doo or barf, a gift that keeps on giving (a pregnant cat) or a garbage disposal with a year's supply of garbage.

If you are artistic or can surf the internet for and print up some gag gifts for Dad. For instance, make a fake DVD cover with the title: All The Actors In This Movie Are Naked. Paste it on a DVD with Disney's "Bambi" or an animal wildlife documentary inside. Cost: $5 or less.

If Dad is an avid golfer, you can buy a pack of tees shaped like nude women. Cost: $3. Check with your local golf shop for golf hats or club covers with funny designs. If your Dad is a senior, unless you want to probate his estate very soon, forget the exploding golf balls.

If Dad did time in the service and you know the name and emblem of his special unit, squadron, division, ship or military base, you can get him a cap, t-shirt or jacket with the appropriate logos. Cost: $20 to $75.

If everyone will be gathering around together to celebrate

the day, order a custom Father's Day cake with a funny message on it, or a funny shape, such as a necktie, $50. Keep it clean, because Mom may not like your disgusting sense of humor, such as the sexually explicit cake you gave her for Mother's Day.

Here are some that go up in price, just in case you've got the dough, and want to pay him back for all the money he spent on getting you through high school, college, rehab and those days, weeks or months of unemployment.

Get Dad a gift certificate to his favorite restaurant, $100

If he promises not to get mad at the snotty recorded voice (Turn left, NOW!) and toss it out the window, get him a Portable GPS (Global Positioning System) for his car, $350

Now that his eyes and ears are going, its time some grateful child, or you all chip in, to buy him a huge digital screen TV with super, surround-sound equipment, $1,500

If Dad can still make it through the airport without slugging a security nerd, get him an all-expense-paid weekend trip to Vegas, Reno or Atlantic City, $1,800

And the most priceless gift of all to any Dad who wants to go where no man has gone before, an all-expense-paid NASA trip into space. After all, they've just spent a billion bucks to fix the toilet on the Soyuz space craft, and you know how concerned Dad is these days about his weak bladder.