Funny Fortune Cookie Fortunes and Sayings

Imagine going to a Chinese restaurant, opening a fortune cookie, and reading a fortune that says "My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "Go to hell."". That would be more than enough to make you choke on the fortune cookie before you started laughing at the ridiculous fortune you just got.

One time I went to a Chinese buffet and opened a fortune cookie and got a fortune that said "Look closely at your surroundings". After that, I actually did start looking around because I wasn't sure if I just ate a cat or something - you never know what could happen in an all you can eat Chinese buffet. Of course, my family looked at me like I was crazy until I showed them the fortune and then they just laughed at me. I mean, how UNfortunate can a person be? Leave a comment telling me about funny fortune cookies that you've received.

Here are some more fake but absolutely hilarious fortune cookie fortunes and sayings. Some of them are just strange.

"Confucius say you have heart as big as Texas."

"You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly."

"Because of your melodic nature, the moonlight never misses an appointment."

"You will gain admiration from your pears."

"You will receive a fortune cookie."

"Never wear your best pants when you go to fight for freedom."

"A starship ride has been promised to you by the galactic wizard."

"You love Chinese food."

"Someone will invite you to a Karaoke party."

"Don't behave with cold manners."

"Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery."

"THAT WASN'T CHICKEN."

"Your colon will self destruct in five seconds."

"A recent prison escapee that is sitting nearby wants to love you long time."

"Your dog Sparky... well, he's no longer missing."

"Guess what our special 'drop' was in our Egg Drop Soup and win a free meal!"

"See the waiter about our new food poison life insurance policies."

"Please don't eat me. I love you."

"Good things are being said about you... in bed."

All I can say is that I wish Chinese restaurants would actually put some of these fortunes in their fortune cookies. At least then people would get a laugh instead of a fortune that doesn't make any sense at all or mean anything to anyone. Of course, we wouldn't want to shame the classic fortune cookie which has brought us such good luck over the years.