Funny "Happy Gilmore" Quotes

I can't tell you how many times I've seen the 1996 comedy hit, "Happy Gilmore", but it's a number that can't be counted on fingers or toes. This hilarious movie stars Adam Sandler as Happy Gilmore, a wannabe hockey player that turned out to be a great golf player. Using his miraculous golf skills to try to earn enough money to save his grandma's house from foreclosure, Happy wooes us all with his excessive swearing and fragile temper. At one point in the movie, Happy gets into a brawl with guest star, Bob Barker. If you've ever wanted to see the host of The Price is Right kick someone's butt, the movie Happy Gilmore provides that for you. Here are some of the best quotes from "Happy Gilmore" that most people should find quite funny.

Shooter McGavin: Just stay out of my way... or you'll pay! LISTEN to what I say!
Happy Gilmore: Hey, why don't I just go eat some hay, make things out of clay, lay by the bay? I just may! What'd ya say?

Grandma: How's that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, she got hit by a car. She's dead.

Happy Gilmore: [to Bob Barker] The price is wrong, Bob.

Grandma: Sir, can I trouble you for a glass of warm milk? It helps me go to sleep.
Nursing Home Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up! Now, you will go to sleep! Or I will PUT you to sleep. Check out the name tag. You're in MY world now, grandma!

Shooter McGavin: You're in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of crap like you for breakfast!
Happy Gilmore: [laughing] You eat pieces of crap for breakfast?
Shooter McGavin: [long pause] No!

Terry: All you ever talk about is becoming a pro hockey player, but there's a problem: you're not any good.
Happy Gilmore: I am good. You know what, you're a lousy kindergarten teacher. I've seen those finger-paintings you bring home and they SUCK.

(after Happy finally sinks his putt after 7 tries)
Guy on Green: It's about time!
Happy Gilmore: Yeah it is about time. I mean I just couldn't get the ball in the hole. I *wanted* to but I just couldn't do it.
[Happy rips off the guys shirt, and punches him in the stomach]

Gary Potter: Harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness. Energy. Block. Bad. It's like a carousel. You put the quarter in, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and around. Circular, circle. Feel it. Go with the flow.
Happy Gilmore: Psycho.

Crazy Old Lady:
[yells]
Crazy Old Lady: Mista!
Happy Gilmore: Hang on, I'll be right down there!
Happy Gilmore: [turns to Grandma] Hey, you know that 'Mista Mista Lady'... I think I just killed her!

Happy Gilmore: [to his golf ball] You little son of a b**** ball! Why you don't you just go HOME? That's your HOME! Are you too good for your HOME? ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE BUTT, BALL

[Shooter McGavin has just hit the ball on Mr. Larson's foot]
Mr. Larson: That's two thus far, Shooter.
Shooter McGavin: Oh, you can count. Good for you.
Mr. Larson: And *you* can count, on *me*, waiting for *you* in the parking lot.

Happy Gilmore Quotes: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116483/quotes