Funny Holiday Letter Remembered

Dear Dad,

I hope this letter finds you and mom well, and in the Christmas spirit of gaiety and worship. Unfortunately, I put my own Christmas responsibility on hold much too long, and as a result, I found myself in a state of disbelief and annoyance. What was it you always told my brothers and me? "Procrastination will always come back to bite you in the rear-end!" Well, I received one heck of a chomp, and nearly lost my chance to continue a tradition long-held by my own family.

Only last Sunday did I begin looking for a fresh-cut Christmas tree. I went to four different places here in Broken Arrow, and there wasn't one cut tree to be found. Mulling over my options, I decided to drive to the town of Bixby where I was sure I would strike gold, and if not gold, hopefully, a Noble Fir. Bixby is a little closer to Broken Arrow than Tulsa, and is filled with all sorts of summer fruit and vegetable stands, which are converted into Christmas tree lots during the season. Traffic was very light, and after a short while, I arrived with great anticipation of finding the perfect tree. However, I soon learned that even Carmichael's, the largest of lots, was completely void of trees. Grocery stores, the tree lots, and even the nurseries were all out of the much desired evergreen.

Frustrated, I made the decision to drive the distance to Tulsa to the tree lot there near our old home right off Harvard street. Do you remember that lot, Dad? That is the same lot you and mother took us as children, to select our own family tree. It was such fun, wasn't it? You and mom walking among the various trees while Steve, Teddy, and I darted in and out of the forest of green with the other children who had also arrived with their own parents. For a short time, we all seemed to be the best of friends. Such a different time, it was.

Well, since the lot off Harvard street always had the largest selection of trees, how could I miss? Surprisingly, as I drove onto their gravel parking lot, I saw they were down to the bare minimum as well. I'm thinking to myself that either the stores didn't order enough trees, or people were tired of the artificial look and wanted the real thing. But, I also realized that it may be I waited too darn long!

Well, it was too late to worry about such things, so I got out of my car, and as I was standing there looking for something remotely resembling a Christmas tree, I saw in the distance, a blur of evergreen. Thinking to myself not to be obvious, I became ever watchful to my surroundings, and did my utmost not to allow others to see I had a tree picked for the taking. Alert, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a woman had her eye on the same tree. My pace increased, but not too noticeably, and then, it happened-she spotted me watching her! Had I been found out? Yes! She had seen the same tree. I wondered if I could take her. Was I willing to risk a broken leg or a sprained ankle jumping over the holes in the ground or hopping over the remaining, empty tree stands? Damn straight, I was!

Fortunately, due to my former training at Church of the Madalene elementary school, my instincts kicked-in and I began running as if Sister Gertrude Marie was once again chasing me down the halls of school. Remembering every thing I learned from those professional nuns who taught me how to run, and run fast, my confidence grew. As I drew closer, I saw she began to gain distance, but in one final swoop, I pushed as hard as I could. The prize was within reach, and as I took a quick glance behind me, I saw her face grimacing from anger and frustration. Only a couple more feet, and with every last ounce of energy I could rally, I jumped over the last hurdle, and grabbed my tree. I made it! My goodness, I made it! How gloriously wonderful it felt. Yet, as I was catching my breath from the truly deserved victory, a thought suddenly occurred to me. Now that I had the tree, and dared not risk leaving it to that horrible woman, I wondered how I would get someone over to me to pick up the damn thing and take it to my car? I know, I'll scream! And, I did.

You should have been there Dad. You would have been so proud of me.

Love,

Your Darling Daughter.