Funny Love Quotes: Humorous Sayings About Love, Men, Women & Relationships

This compilation of quotes explores the funny and humorous side of love, men, women and relationships. These witty and ironic quotes by the famous will tickle your funny bones and leave you smirking and smiling in delight. Enjoy these funny quotes about love and relationships with someone who possesses a sarcastic sense of humor.

Funny Quotes About Love and Relationships

"Love is a grave mental disease." - Plato

"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." - Albert Einstein

"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it."- Henny Youngman

"Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman." - Oscar Wilde

"Never go to bed mad -- stay up and fight." - Phyllis Diller

"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner

"The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods." - Bill Cosby

"Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species."- W. Somerset Maugham, A Writer's Notebook, 1949

"Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots." - Author unknown, as printed in The Hoosier Farmer

"Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty." - Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

"Love means nothing in tennis, but it's everything in life." - Author Unknown

"A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy." - George Jean Nathan

"A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one" - Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

"Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last" - Remy de Gourmont

"You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories."- Melanie Clark

"A woman in love can't be reasonable--or she probably wouldn't be in love." - Mae West

"A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears." - Woodrow Wyatt

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."- Albert Einstein

"It is impossible to love and be wise." - Francis Bacon

"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby."- Natalie Wood

"A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed."

"Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, disposable." - Cher

"The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one." - Rita Rudner

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." - Erma Bombeck

"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."- Zsa Zsa Gabor

"I was nauseous and tingly all over... I was either in love or I had smallpox." - Woody Allen

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down." - Woody Allen

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." - Groucho Marx

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." Socrates.

"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage." - Ambrose Bierce

"An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."
Agatha Christie.

"When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always." - Rita Rudner.

"If you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow." - John Wayne.

"Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.." - Diana Jordan.